Gilmore Girls
Driving Miss Gilmore

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C'mon Baby, Drive My Car

At the Dragonfly, Michel (in, seriously, his best storyline ever) is jogging in place, threatening someone over the phone with a lawsuit. "Why is he prancing?" Lorelai asks, getting her morning coffee. Sookie, who seems to barely notice Michel's histrionics, just shrugs. He finally slams his phone shut with an emphatic "kees my toosh!" and declares to Lorelai and Sookie that "you can trust nothing and no one, ever!" Lorelai asks him to quit with the jogging, but he shakes his head: "Oh, I cannot. I cannot stop this for a very, very long time." He says that he has been buying organic milk from his market, always getting the cartons with the blue top, since that is the non-fat variety. But today, to his horror, he found out that for the last two weeks, the dairy has accidentally put blue tops on the 2%, and red tops on his preferred non-fat. "For the last two weeks," Michel says, nearly hysterical, "I have been drinking 2% meelk in my coffee, every single day!" Lorelai is less than sympathetic. "Insert gasp here," she says, but he just rages on, still jogging. "I've been consuming an extra billion calories a week," he says. Lorelai rolls her eyes, saying that at least this tragedy has not affected Michel's math skills.

As Michel continues to bounce, Lorelai takes a call from Luke on her cell phone. Apparently, Luke and Lorelai haven't been able to get together lately. She makes all sorts of excuses, but he doesn't get it. Luke asks whether they can get together that night, but Lorelai lies, saying that there's a staff meeting that night. Overhearing this, Sookie and Michel freak out about their childcare/gym schedule situations. "I have a session with my trainer tonight!" Michel laments. "I'll have to pay full price if I cancel this late! It's like two zeellion dollars!" Lorelai tries to wave them off, indicating that she's making it up, and goes back to Luke, who wants to know if they can get together tomorrow. "Sure," she says. "Well...maybe. We'll talk in the morning." Sookie immediately begins her protest about this out-of-the-blue staff meeting. She says that she'll have to get a sitter, and that Becky, the good one, is at her grandmother's: "So, I'll have to use her crazy goth sister, who wears a snake around her neck and eats all my Eggos!" Wearily, Lorelai tells her that there is not, in fact, a staff meeting that night. "Oh, thank God," Michel groans, and jogs out of the room. Alone, Sookie asks Lorelai why, if there is no staff meeting, she lied to Luke about her schedule. "I don't want to get into it," Lorelai says, and she is saved from doing so by Jackson -- who charges in, in a panic, asking to see Sookie alone.

Jackson pulls Sookie through the Inn to an empty room and demands that she smell him. "You smell like Jackson," she says, "and something else...it's not zucchini, it's not sprouts...what is that?" Frustrated, Jackson reveals the truth: "I smell like marijuana!" Apparently, the back half-acre is now a giant field of pot, because he had not planted there for a few years. "Every square inch!" he says. "Hundreds of plantings. It looks like Harrison Ford's backyard!" He's figured out that the wicked Templeton brothers, who he recently fired, probably planted it right before he let them go. "I told them to weed the back half-acre!" he says. "They're not the smartest of fellas." Sookie says that along with being dumb, they also listened to the Allman Brothers, which should have been a clue. Jackson is freaking out, asking what they're going to do with a full half-acre of marijuana. I can think of a few things. Sookie says that they can't keep saying "the M word," or someone will overhear, and that they need a code name. "How about 'evil crop'?" Jackson asks, but they decide on "pickles". He keeps on wigging, saying that they're both felons for being in possession. "If the cops came to my field today," he says, "we'd both go to jail. We'd lose everything we own! We'd lose the kids!" Sookie gasps: "All because of pickles." He says he's going to send his staff home early and go to the back field and pull up every last "pickle." They try to be cool and walk out of through the restaurant like nothing's going on, but their pickle-jones is too strong and Jackson wrecks a table.

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Gilmore Girls

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