Gilmore Girls
A Vineyard Valentine

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: C+ | 2 USERS: D-
YOU GRADE IT
Valentine, The Destroyer

Anyway, back to this painful scene. Lorelai is still rocking her fact sheet: the first people on Martha's Vineyard were members of an Indian tribe, the descendants of which still make up the town, originally called Gay Head. Insert what should be a snicker, here, but what instead turns into yet another irritating joke. "Figures," Lorelai says. "The Indians survive poverty and disease, and then get stuck living in a place called Gay Head." Luke is over it, sighing and harrumphing like he's getting a root canal. "Do you think," Lorelai goes on, painfully, "that there's any connection between Gay Head and spermaceti?" I...am I being too whatever about this? Because it just isn't funny. Luke isn't amused either, but more because he is humorless in general. It occurs to him that since the Vineyard is an island, they'll have to take a ferry over. "Augh!" Lorelai says. "There is a ferry to Gay Head? That is just too easy." Yes, exactly. It IS. That is what I am SAYING.

After what seems like nine hours of Lorelai rattling on like a thirteen-year-old, Luke tells her she doesn't have to keep talking the place up; he's fine with the trip. "I just want you to have fun," she says, wistfully. "I just want you to relax." He fusses, saying he'll try, but that he has his concerns about Logan: "Where do we even stand with this guy? One day we like him, next day we hate him, next day we like him." Lorelai says that they have a sort of truce, and that everything is okay. "What if they break up while we're there?" Luke asks, and Lorelai says that they aren't going to break up. No, we should be so lucky. "Our bedroom isn't sharing a wall with theirs, is it?" Luke asks, and Lorelai says she has no idea. Luke: "You don't know the layout of the house?" Lorelai shrugs, saying that she thought spermaceti was a pasta until three minutes ago. Luke says that it's just weird to stay at other people's houses, "tiptoeing around and using their sheets, drinking their weird tap water." God, shut up, you old man. Lorelai says again that she doesn't want the trip to be work for Luke. He grudgingly says that it will be fine, and then remembers that he put April's bike in Lorelai's garage; he was going to fix the wheel, he says, but has not gotten around to it. The mention of the Secret Daughter makes Lorelai cringe a little, but she holds it together. Luke says that they should go; they have a ferry to catch. "And please," he says, "don't add anything to that." Too late! Lorelai says that there are several historical lighthouses on the island. "Hey," she says, dragging this already-awful joke over the broken glass of my soul, "I wonder if there is a connection between the shape of lighthouses, ferries, spermaceti, and Gay Head!" She slaps her knee as I slap my head and, damning this scene to hell, we finally move the eff on.

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Gilmore Girls

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