Gilmore Girls
A Family Matter

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Jess Fans, Unite!

Rory and Lorelai leave Taylor's Soda Shoppe (how they didn't see Luke arguing with Jess two feet away is a mystery to me), arguing about the words "HoCho" for hot chocolate and "FroYo" for frozen yogurt. Rory hates those expressions; Lorelai loves all things cutesy. Lorelai calls Digger to tell him that she chickened out. Digger says it's going to be awkward no matter when they do it. Lorelai says that this wasn't good timing, and that there will be better timing in the near future. As Lorelai debates when "near" would be, exactly, Rory spots Jess's car. She walks over to it and sees Jess sleeping in the back seat. "I don't believe this," she says. Lorelai gets off the phone and joins her daughter. "What is he doing here?" Lorelai asks. "What is he doing there?" Rory asks. Lorelai wonders if Luke knows Jess is out here. Rory doesn't want to deal with this at all. (That Jess is a quick and heavy sleeper.) Rory decides to walk this off as Lorelai heads inside to get the scoop from Luke.

Luke's. Luke answers the door and invites Lorelai in. Lorelai asks if he knows Jess is sleeping out there in 35-degree weather; she wants to know why Jess is back. "Because I'm stupid!" Luke shouts. He says that Liz showed up that morning for reasons he still doesn't know, and then Jess showed up this afternoon to collect his car. Lorelai says that Luke has had quite a day. Luke guesses that Bobby McFerrin will write a song about it. (I am guessing that a good third of you are way too young to know who Bobby McFerrin is.) Luke asks Lorelai not to tell Rory, because Jess will be gone tomorrow. "Oh, man," Luke groans. Lorelai says that Rory is fine with it, and that she's not going to freak out. "What a lie it all is!" Luke says. "Families! They're just messes! It's like a spilled drink that keeps spilling, and you got to keep cleaning it up. You scrub and you scrub, and you just can't get the stain up." Careful, Sybil, before you start talking about "the people." Luke: "Show me a happy family. Just one. Didn't that Tolstoy guy say something about families?" Lorelai: "Probably." Luke: "It's a famous thing he said. It's like, 'All families are unhappy.' Or, 'Happy on the surface,' 'Unhappy in the same way.'" Lorelai: "Sounds a little incomplete." Luke: "Maybe he couldn't complete the thought because he was dealing with his stinking family." Lorelai asks if the Hallmark people know about Luke. Luke shouts that he's tired of cleaning up messes. He's tired of helping people who do nothing to help themselves. Hi, have you met Lorelai? Lorelai says she doesn't want Luke to have to deal with a frozen carcass in the morning. Luke says that Jess will be fine. Lorelai tells him to relax, watch a little television -- "no family shows." Better joke: "Stay away from Everwood." Luke says he's on his way up to bed right now. Lorelai leaves, having helped not one bit.

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Gilmore Girls

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