Gilmore Girls
A Family Matter

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Luke comes back to the table, so Lorelai tries to hide the cell phone in her hair while Rory attempts to finish her sentence. Luke says hello to Rory, and then asks Kirk how it feels to be a stepdaddy. Rory says it's good thinking for Lorelai to clam up about Digger around Luke, since he's "always had a problem with [her] guys." Lorelai lies, and says that's not why she stopped talking. Paris then gives a couple of whoops and shouts, "Good morning, Vietnam!" Apparently this is her morning espresso ritual, one I think we would have heard of by now if Rory has been living with Paris for three months. Apparently it's a triple espresso, which scares me.

Lorelai tells Rory that there's a rock-n-roll hippie chick getting into an argument with Luke at the counter: "They are rudely out of range." Lorelai tells Kirk to move in and eavesdrop on Luke's argument. Kirk informs all the other patrons in the restaurant that he's only friends with Lorelai. Lorelai goes into overdrive, wondering if she's here to lease one of his apartments, or perhaps she's here to help with the "divorce with Nicole" (still holding onto that dream, eh, Lorelai?). Rory says that the woman might be a friend of Nicole's, or another attorney. Lorelai says that Luke is the most complicated guy she knows who also owns a Doobie Brothers record. Lane leaves Rory's room to wake Tana. Lorelai tells Rory that Luke sent the hippie woman upstairs. Lorelai figures she must be a dominatrix. Rory points out that if the woman wasn't carrying a bag, then she wouldn't have anywhere to put all of her dominatrix gear. What good rock-n-roll hippie freeloader doesn't carry all her shit in a giant bag? She never knows when she has to jam. Lorelai and Rory banter about the dominatrix gear fashioned out of Luke's belongings: fishing pole, Nolan Ryan's rookie card. Rory tells Lorelai to ask Luke who the hippie is. If the girls ever followed that logic, how would we ever have an episode? Lorelai is about to go ask Luke the truth, but stops when she hears him cursing off-camera, banging around pots and pans. By "cursing," I mean the word "crap" is shouted. Lorelai hangs up with Rory and makes a few kissy-faces at Kirk, who is then moved to shout once again, "I have a girlfriend."

Yale. Lane has given Tana a makeover. I guess that means she plucked her eyebrows and put some makeup on her, but it's not really that huge a transformation. She didn't put the girl in better clothes or anything. Rory can't believe how clean it is in the common room. Lane is also now their maid. Tana asks Paris, "How good do I look?" Paris: "Would a comedic answer crush you?" Tana: "Probably." Paris: "Terrif." Lane tells Paris that Tana's gonna knock boys out today. "With what?" Paris asks. "Sheer peculiarity?" Tana's hoping a certain Chester Fleet notices her today. Chester's dad was instrumental in conducting research showing that neurons fired actively during REM sleep, with the exception of nerve cells involved with the transmitter chemicals. Paris says she had forgotten the beginning of that sentence already. I'm with ya, Paris. Rory finally finds the phone, which is on its twentieth ring (no voicemail for these busy gals, I guess). It's Jamie. Is it the same Jamie who was always Jamie? It's been so long since we've seen him, but I thought somehow that Jamie was a blond. Jamie tells Rory he'll be in town for a couple of days, so he'll see her at some point. It appears that Jamie is just outside their dorm. Paris is curt on the phone with Jamie, saying she can't go out tonight, and that the plans the two of them had made were only tentative, written in pencil. She says she's tired, busy with studying, and there's drama in the suite. She says that ("Rory's small-town friend") Lane is a complete mess, and is crashing with them after getting kicked out of her house. She's heavy into the drugs: "Nancy Spungening it. Chasing the dragon." Paris says she needs to be there for support, and that she and Jamie will get together tomorrow. Paris hangs up and responds to the looks Lane and Rory are giving her. She says that Jamie doesn't always respond well to the fact that she has to study. Lane follows Paris out the door, asking what "chasing the dragon" means, and suggesting that perhaps Paris shouldn't spread such rumors about Lane. Rory, full of judgment, watches Paris leave.

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Gilmore Girls

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