Game of Thrones

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 12 USERS: A
I Got You a Box of Snakes

Because of how medieval fantasy works, horses ride over a lovely green hill. They're chasing Twitchy, who is not equipped with a horse of his own. Also, he looks sketchier than ever, so these guys with pole-arms have no trouble stopping him. He doesn't put up a fight.

Judging by the onscreen title, we now shift our attention to Winterfell. That's the castle over there (this is me painting a picture with words. It's supposed to make you imagine an "over there" with a castle in it).

In the castle's courtyard, a boy with a mullet practices with a bow and arrow while two young men watch him. He's not very good, but one of his watchers ells him to act brave because his father and mother are watching. And there they are! The father is large and bearded, while the mother is neither of those things. The boy adopts a stern attitude. Meanwhile, in a room full of women-folk where a young woman is being praised, a girl is sullenly practicing cross-stitch. She keeps looking around at the sound of the archery, and it is clear where her sympathies lie. Back out in the courtyard, the boy's pure accuracy is causing a certain amount of laughter among the usual people who are hanging out in courtyards. The father scolds them all, asking, "And which one of you was a marksman at ten? Keep practicing, Bran." Make a note of that: the boy with the mullet is named "Bran." He gets more advice, along the lines of "Don't think too much" and "Relax your bow arm" He lines up a shot and we see an arrow hits the bulls-eye. It was shot from behind Bran, by the girl from the cross-stitch class. She curtseys, and Bran gives chase. Everyone has a good laugh.

Someone enters to give the name "Lord Stark" to the father. He's distracting because he's got white sideburns that are so long that he's tied them together under his chin. I think that's a direct challenge to cosplayers. You like this show? Start growing your sideburns, big talker. And it would help if you were pretty fat. Come to think of it, maybe it's good that there are characters that fat, hairy guys can come close to duplicating. Anyway, Sideburns tells Lord Stark that they've captured a deserter from the Night's Watch. And he tells Lady Stark (who he names "Cat") that it's the law. She calls Lord Stark "Ned," which is a little informal for me. She would like Bran to stop practicing the warlike arts because he's just a boy. Lord Stark answers, "He won't be a boy forever. And winter is coming." She looks down.

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Game of Thrones




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