Game of Thrones

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 12 USERS: A
I Got You a Box of Snakes

The three of them have reunited and Snooty doesn't care about Twitchy's problems. He's clearly read that the secret of leadership is to be condescending and sarcastic, so he heaps scorn upon Twitchy. And upon Beardy, who thinks they should go back to the wall. Snooty wants to go check things out, which honestly doesn't sound like that bad an idea. I'm not sure exactly what their job is, but I'm pretty sure they're supposed to check out massacre sites, no matter how creepy they are. Twitchy moans that they (whoever "they" are) even killed the children, which gives Snooty a chance to think himself clever as he points out that the three of them are not children. Incidentally, Snooty has much nicer furs than the other two. He orders Twitchy up onto his horse so they can go investigate.

When they reach the clearing, it is significantly less creepy, thanks to the absence of heads mounted on sticks, dismembered torsos, and girls nailed to trees. Snooty continues to work on his sarcasm, suggesting that the dead men seem to have moved camp. Beardy has the air of someone who's ready for action. He appears to expect an imminent attack from somewhere. Twitchy wanders back to the horses while Snooty strolls around the clearing and tries out bemused looks. The trees are ominously silent as Twitchy looks around, um, twitchily. Beardy digs in the snow and finds some viscera about an inch down. Snooty asks what he's found, but a spooky thing rises behind him and kills him before he can hear the answer. So much for Snooty!

The horses run. Twitchy looks around and sees the little girl from the tree, walking around. She's looking much better, but not any less creepy. Twitchy runs. Beardy also runs. They are both running through the trees while being chased by, um, things. The things are probably also running. Twitchy stops and sees Beardy. Then he sees a fiendish thingy decapitate Beardy with a sword. Beardy's head is tossed in front of Twitchy, and I see that it doesn't have that much of a beard after all. I guess I could have called him "Stubbly" instead. It's "Heady" now, though.

With two dead characters in the first ten minutes, it's time for some credits. And lovely credits they are, too! They're either stop-motion animation or a CGI imitation thereof. It's mostly a map, and we see places called King's Landing, Winterfell, The Wall, and a place we can't really read the name of. Basically, the far north is covered in snow, then there's The Wall, and Winterfell is sort of close to that. King's Landing is much farther south, and the other place appears to be on a different continent altogether, although it's not all that far away. Nobody will blame you if you don't commit the terrain to memory.

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Game of Thrones




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