Game of Thrones
The Wolf and the Lion

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 7 USERS: A
Bare-Chested Jamboree
le plan can be put into action, Littlefinger comes by to tell him that Robert's been shouting the word "treason" a lot. However, if Ned's willing to wait around until after nightfall, Littlefinger will take him to see the last person Jon Arryn saw. Ned doesn't think he has time. I think even if he has time, he should stop worrying about who exactly killed Jon Arryn and start worrying about himself. And it seems for a second that he's going to do that, but then he tells Jory to put all their men at the girls' bedchambers.

"You bring him without permission. Lysa Arryn is angry at Catelyn for bringing Tyrion to her castle without permission. Everyone's a little thrown by the fact that while Lysa's sitting on the throne, she's breastfeeding her son, who looks to be eight or nine years old. And he might be a halfwit, too. She gets kind of distracted and starts talking about what a good, strong boy her son is going to be, and Catelyn tries to get her back on topic. She reminds Lysa that she's the one who was sending letters around warning her about the Lannisters, but Lysa now says that was a warning to stay away from them, not an invitation to kidnap them and bring them over for tea. The young Arryn observes that Tyrion is little. Lysa agrees with him and tells him that Tyrion is the Bad Man who killed the Hand. Trion, who seems to be having trouble taking this seriously, observes that he must have been very busy, what with all the people he apparently killed. He also mentioned that his brother Jaime will probably wreak terrible vengeance on anyone who harms him. The kid freaks out, and Lysa declares that no one's hurting her baby. The kid calms down enough to say, "Mummy. I want to see the bad man fly." Even Catelyn, who is consumed with the need for revenge, has noticed that this place is ruled by some unstable weirdoes, so she makes a point of saying that Tyrion is her prisoner and shouldn't be harmed. Lysa has Tyrion thrown in a prison cell. And the Eyrie has an unusual dungeon, it turns out. Instead of being underground (and populated by manticores and dragons), the cell is cut into the side of the mountain. So there's no wall opposite the door. It just opens up to the sky. And it's so high, the sky is practically below the floor. Creepy.

The Knight of the Flowers and Renly Baratheon are lounging around. And I think there's a chance these gentlemen might be gay. I base that on the slow, tender way that Flowers is shaving Renly's chest. Renly is complaining that he's treated like a spoiled child, not like a warrior. Well, Flowers points out that Renly did throw up at the sight of a head with a detached eyeball. And Flowers is good at fighting because he works hard at it every day. Renly provides his perspective on Robert's urge to kill Daenerys: "Every time he talks about it, the table rises six inches." They then transition into talking about how much money the Lannisters have. Flowers suggests that he, too, is super-rich (but not Lannister Rich) and could provide Renly money if he were to become king. But Renly's fourth in line, so that's not going to happen right away. Flowers deliberately cuts Renly's chest to make him get used to blood. Then he kneels and, although the camera doesn't follow, there are some discreet slurping noises on the soundtrack.

Now it's time for a surprisingly sincere scene between Cersei and Robert. He's sitting alone, glowering at the world, and she enters and tells him that she's sorry his marriage to Ned Stark didn't work out. Very droll, Cersei. She's actually here to tell him that without a Hand, the whole kingdom will fall to pieces. And to Robert's surprise, she's not trying to get him to name Jaime as hand. I'm kind of surprised myself. She doesn't think he's serious enough. Well, if seriousness is what you want, Ned's definitely the man you want. Robert doesn't want to think about his domestic problems because he's obsessed with what will happen if the Dothraki cross the Narrow Sea. Cersei points out that the Dothraki fear the water, and also that they don't have any siege weapons, so all these giant castles will probably come in handy. Robert points out that if they just hole up in their castles, the Dothraki will rampage across the countryside, enslaving the people and wrecking up the wheat fields. And before too long, the people are going to question their king, who's acting like a coward. And they don't have a single army, because all the nobles have their own separate military forces. "Our purpose died with the Mad King," he says. Also, "Backstabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight. That's all the realm is now. Backstabbing and scheming and arse-licking and money-grubbing." Ah, good times. So the only thing holding the realm together is this marriage between two people that hate each other. "How long can hate hold a thing together?" "Well, 17 years is quite a long time." They may hate each other, but they seem okay with it.

Cersei changes the subject and asks what "she" was like. She means Lyanna Stark, Ned's dead sister and Robert's old fiancée. Robert asks why Cersei is asking, since she's never mentioned Lyanna before, even in passing. "I thought if I didn't talk about her, she'd just fade away for you. When that didn't happen, I didn't bring her up out of spite." "So why now?" "What harm could Lyanna Stark's ghost do to either of us that we haven't done a hundred times over?" Robert confesses, "I can't even remember what she looked like. I only know she was the one thing I ever wanted. Someone took it away from me and seven kingdoms couldn't fill the hole she left behind." Cersei tells him she felt something for him. Once. She asks if there was ever a moment when their relationship could have worked. He says there wasn't and asks if that makes her feel better or worse. "Doesn't make me feel anything." Exit Cersei.

A young lady tells Ned Stark that a baby "looks like him," what with the nose and black hair. And she would like to emphasize that she's been with no one else because "The King was always good to me." I'm not really surprised that Robert had all these bastards, nor am I shocked that he's not taking care of them the way Ned did with Jon Snow. But I'm a little appalled that the mothers are so open about it. Anyway, she says that when Jon Arryn came by, he wanted to know if the boy was happy and healthy. That doesn't seem like the sort of thing that you kill a guy for. Stark says the child will want for nothing. Well, except for the love of his father. Oops! Sorry, that was kind of a downer, wasn't it?

That scene, of course, was in one of Littlefinger's brothels. Littlefinger is lounging around in a different room. It might be an actual lounge, now that I think about it. Brothels are basically composed of bedrooms, lounges, and parlors, right? Well, and industrial-strength showers. Littlefinger cheerfully tells Ned that brothels are a better investment than ships, because whores rarely sink. Ned asks him what he knows about Robert's bastards, and Littlefinger's only guess is that Robert has a lot of them. More than Ned, certainly. He further speculates that Arryn was tracking them down out of some sort of fatherly love by proxy. Jory is momentarily distracted by boobies, but he leaves with Ned.

As soon as Lord Stark and Jory are outside the brothel, they're surrounded by Jaime Lannister and a bunch of guys with pole arms. For the old-school D&D players in the crowd, I will speculate that they're either bill-hooks or glaive glaive guisarme voulge glaives. Jaime's on a horse, probably because he thinks he looks good up there. He kind of does, actually. Jory is outraged at this, because Ned is the Hand of the King. But Jaime points out that he was the Hand until a few scenes ago. Littlefinger comes out to demand to know what's going on and Jaime tells him to get back inside and not bother the adults while they talk. Jaime asks if Ned has any idea what happened to Tyrion, and Ned promptly answers, "He was taken at my command to answer for his crimes." That's not even true, but I guess he has to stand up for his wife. And it's time for swords to come out. Boy, the Wolf and the Lion are fighting much earlier than I thought they would. Like, I thought Varys and Illyrio meant that forces were slowly aligning to bring the two houses into inevitable conflict, not that they'd be waving swords at each other before the end of the episode. Littlefinger runs off to call the City watch. Ned warns Jaime that if he kills him, Tyrion will die. Jaime considers this briefly. "You're right. Take him alive. Kill his men."

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Game of Thrones




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