Game of Thrones
Blackwater

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A+ | 89 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
A Drink Before the War

Inside King's Landing, Tyrion is in bed with Shae. What a good idea! She asks if he's afraid. He says that he is, because if King's Landing falls Stannis will kill every Lannister he can find. Shae claims she'll protect him, which seems optimistic. He gives her a chance to leave and she chooses instead to straddle him. She reminds him of that time he asked her to make love to him like it was his last day on this Earth. For some reason, I find it jarring that she calls it "this Earth," but I'd probably also be distracted if she called it "this Westeros" or whatever. English is full of words with real-world origins, so I should probably get over it.

Elsewhere (but still in King's Landing) Grand Maester Pycelle is meeting with Cersei. He wisely calls her "Your Grace" because you don't get to be a Grand Maester by being stupid. Or so I assume. I don't actually know how one progresses from Maester to Grand Maester. He's telling Cersei that in his view, a Maester is supposed to give counsel in time of war. Cersei starts to assure him that his words are always wise and measured, but he cuts her off to get back to his speech. That's not so wise and measured. She makes him get to the point. He gives her a vial of Essence of Nightshade, which sounds dangerous. One drop in a glass of wine, he says, will soothe ragged nerves. Three drops will bring on a deep sleep. He starts to tell her what ten drops will do and she interrupts him saying, "I know what ten drops will bring." Yeah, I bet she does. Pycelle would like to ask a follow-up question, but Cersei won't allow it. Then she suggests that he go give his wise counsel to the brave boys who will be fighting. He still hasn't realizes he's dismissed, so he keeps starting new sentences. But Cersei is very good at being both clear and threatening: "Be careful on the stairs, Grand Maester. There are so many." That's the Westeros way of telling someone not to let the door hit them in the ass on the way out. He finally leaves Cersei with her poison. She looks out the window, either wistfully or like someone waiting for the director to say "Cut."

In a dark, torch-lit room soldiers are singing some kind of... I'm going to call it a song. Bronn is leading them, so we're still in King's Landing. Once it's done, one of them asks Bronn where he learned the Lannister song. The families all have songs, too? Man. My family doesn't have a sigil or words or a song. We do have a spice, though. It's basil. I bet the Lannisters don't have a signature spice. Anyway, Bronn learned the song from "Drunk Lannisters" which gets a big laugh. There are a number of attractive young ladies in the room with them. I will not be unkind and just assume they're whores. The one on Bronn's lap thinks his broken nose is cute, so he tells her about the time his mother broke it with an iron poker when he was five. But it's okay, because she was trying to hit his brother. He undresses his young lady and gets distracted from his tales of nose-breaking. She says, "Poor nose" and gives it a little kiss. Bronn answers, "Don't feel sorry for him. He'll be halfway up your ass before the night's through." This scene is adequately fulfilling the promise of nudity. All the soldiers are really enjoying Bronn's banter. He seems like a lot of fun.

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Game of Thrones

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