Game of Thrones
Blackwater

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A+ | 89 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
A Drink Before the War

Lancel (favoring his shoulder) runs up to Joffrey and says that the queen has sent him to bring Joffrey back to the Red Keep. Man, lay off Joffrey. He's having a hard enough time without this going on. Tyrion asks Joffrey, "If you won't defend your own city, why should they?" Joffrey is torn and actually asks Tyrion for advice. Tyrion tells him to lead. He should get down there and lead his people in their defense against the invaders. Joffrey asks if his mother had urgent business. This is obviously where Lancel is supposed to make something up to give Joffrey a good excuse for leaving, but Lancel is a literal-minded simpleton so he says no. Joffrey leaves anyway and a lot of people watch him do it. Tyrion is not impressed, even though Joffrey does leave a couple knights with him. I think Joffrey probably would have stayed if Lancel hadn't showed up to tell him to retreat.

Some of Stannis's men (and Stannis) are on top of the wall, which results in some rocks falling inside the city. We see the people of King's Landing asking where the king is and who leads them. Podrick runs up to Tyrion.

Tyrion announces, "I'll lead the attack!" The people are unimpressed. He takes his helmet from Podrick and has one of Joffrey's knights unfurl the King's banner. He shouts "Men!" a few times, but the crowd is dispersing and giving up. "They say I'm half a man. But what does that make the lot of you?" A voice from the crowd says that the only way out is the gate, which is where the enemy is. Well, that can't be true, can it? Surely there are other gates. There's the King's Gate, for one. Podrick just removed all the guards from it, so you guys could probably escape if you really wanted to. Tyrion says there's another way out that he can show them. And then? "Come out behind them and fuck them in their asses!" The noise of the battering ram gets louder. "Don't fight for your king. And don't fight for his kingdoms. Don't fight for honor. Don't fight for glory. Don't fight for riches because you won't get any. This is your city Stannis means to sack. This is your gate he's ramming. If he gets in, it will be your houses he burns. Your gold he steals. Your women he will rape." The battering ram continues. The gate cracks. "Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!" Wild cheering. Everyone's in. Tyrion walks down among them and they all follow. It was a good speech and very in the tone of this show.

Cersei and Tommen. Lancel tells them that all is lost. When the Gold Cloaks saw the king leaving, they gave up. Cersei wants to know where her son is. Lancel tries to tell her he wants to bring Joffrey back to the battle. So she punches him in his arrow-wounded shoulder and he falls in agony. Awesome. Cersei leaves with Tommen. Sansa takes command and tells all the highborn ladies that they're in the safest place and that Joffrey's not hurt. "He's fighting bravely," she claims. She elaborates about how his men are rallying behind him. Then she leads them in a hymn. As soon as the hymn catches on, Shae grabs Sansa from behind and tells her to get the hell out of there. She should run to her chamber and bar her door. Well since Cersei just left, I have to say that leaving sounds like the right thing to do. Cersei may be the devil, but she's got a good grasp of tactics. Shae thinks Stannis won't hurt Sansa (possibly true!) while Ser Ilyn (glower, glower) definitely will. Shae won't go with her because she needs to say goodbye to someone. And she's got a dagger in her sock, so she won't get raped. Sansa runs out. Shae glares at Ser Ilyn, who glowers at her. It's possible he's only got the one expression. Maybe he's trying to smile and is always disappointed when people think he's mad at them.

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