Fraternity Life
How Alex Got His Groove Back

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How Alex Got His Groove Back

Last week on Fraternity Life, Saddam Hussein was running around like a chicken with its head cut off while getting his ass blown off in an underground bunker, and John Norris was doing his best Dan Rather impression. In other words, the damned show was postponed so that MTV News could rap with the kids about the war that had just started an hour earlier. To say I was a bit perturbed over this network decision is being kind. Personally, I think that when the country has crept into the initial stages of war, nothing says "God Bless America" to me like a bunch of spoiled rich boys vomiting their lungs out while we cackle ourselves silly at home. I am upset that MTV doesn't feel the same way, but hey -- this ain't your daddy's MTV.

Anyway, previously on Fraternity Life, Alex was pegged as a pussy-whipped little bitch baby by every single person on the show as well as the audience watching at home. And now, on to the show.

Our obligatory shots of Buffalo in the fall are well documented. I'll admit, I don't live in the most desirable of locations myself, but Buffalo looks like the suspicious tumor on the colon of the world. Inside the student center, George is asking Jarreau and Alex if they have their togas ready. The boys, naturally, are clueless, but think that the hazing portion of the pledging has just taken a bizarre turn. Jarreau looks like his mom just asked him if he's gay and he's having an inner debate over whether to tell her or not. George explains in a nifty little voice-over that the Toga Contest is part of Spirit Week, an event which he's fortunate enough to have spearheaded. Yeah, Bubba. Toss that on a résumé and see where it gets you. George tells Tweedledum and Tweedledumber that they have twenty minutes to get a toga together. Alex spends a healthy portion of those twenty minutes hitting on chicks, asking if they would happen to have a toga with them. One girl says, "Not on me," which makes me giggle. He asks some of the DZO pledges from Sorority Life if he may borrow theirs once they're done. They giggle like...well, schoolgirls. So Jarreau and Alex are trotting off to the bathroom to have dirty boy sex when Alex comes up with a doozy of an idea. He strips down to his boxers and has Jarreau start wrapping him up in a paper-towel toga. As homoerotic as it may sound, this is probably the most macho either of these two has come across since the show began. I almost think Jarreau may actually be (gasp!) straight. Clutch the pearls, girlfriend, I do believe I feel a hot flash coming on!

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