Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!

Previously on Cry-on Chef America, we somehow pared our way down to four final contestants. Now that we just have two hours of TV time together, let's meet them, shall we?

Lee's a bartender from Los Angeles, whom the pleasantly-voiced female narrator says was always a front-runner. Except for those early weeks where we totally ignored him. Then, there's Sheetal, who was upset about having to kill a crab until she wasn't, and so here she is. You may also remember David, who the pleasantly voiced narrator scolds for "his antics." And yet here he is. And then there's Whitney who is -- and I don't think we can over-emphasize this enough -- so terribly, disgustingly young. One of them's getting $250,000 in pre-tax prize money, a cookbook publishing deal, and the title of MasterChef. The rest will never be allowed to cook again under an obscure-yet-very-enforceable federal law.

Credits! Chop! Swoosh! Glare! Say, who were all these people again?

The Final Four walk into the MasterChef kitchen wearing their MasterChef cooking whites and prepare themselves to cook in the next MasterChef competition for a spot in the MasterChef finals. Also, MasterChef. But before they can reach the final, there will be two head-to-head cook-offs, with the contestants making three dishes in two hours. We draw names and learn that David will face Sheetal, which, by the process of elimination, means that Whitney will face Lee. We're sure it's Lee, right, and not Sharone wearing a Lee-mask? Because, seriously, I still can't tell the difference. Lee is worried about facing Whitney, who may be young but also appears to be well-nigh unkillable. David is thrilled to be going up against Sheetal, who is understandably pissed-off to be taken so lightly. Pissed-off enough to boil him alive like a crab? Possibly.

So, David-versus-Sheetal. But before we can get to that, we're first treated to a video montage of old clips, just in case you have no memory of the previous 11 episodes of this series. Oh, and then Gordon reveals that their friends and family are here to watch them, and there is much shrieking and hugging and carrying on and, Jesus Christ, we are six minutes into this episode already--won't somebody cook something? I may finally get my wish. Each judge gets to ask Sheetal and David to cook one classic dish to order. Not surprisingly, Joe's in the mood for Italian -- veal Milanese. Graham goes the Americana route and asks for "the greatest slice of Apple pie." Gordon wants clam chowder. David, who is from New England in case his shy and understated demeanor confused you, chuckles joyfully. "Crap, double crap, and oh, double pie," Sheetal says of her cooking challenges. Well, it sounds delicious! Let's get cooking, shall we?

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