Fat March
March Of The Fat

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March Of The Fat

On the yellow team, we have Shea, Will, Sam, Michael, and Shane; on the green, Matt, Wendy, Jami Lyn, Chantal, and Loralie. The yellow team quickly develops a strategy to minimize movement (good call!) and maximize efficiency, but Will almost immediately decides that he's "not moving enough" and debunks the process by abandoning his post. Lorrie comments that he basically screwed his team by making them all wade through the water, which exhausted everyone, and the green team ultimately snags the win due to Will's maverick decision to actually move around. Scandalous!

Cut to Anthony, who has made up his entire 13-mile deficit in one day. Way to go, Anthony! He is one scrappy little 26-year-old virgin.

The green team heads to a bed-and-breakfast called "On Cranberry Pond" (gag me). They're all elated because they get to sleep on comfy beds and take a shower. All the while, Wendy definitely has had flat-ironed hair all day. I didn't know flat-ironing was part of the camp-out experience, but to each his or her own.

And now for the final day. After 52 miles, they are in Putnam, CT, with another 13 miles to go before weigh-in. Steve calls the last stretch of the trek "brutal." They walk through the woods, snakes slithering at their feet. During the hike, Shane's 519 pounds are finally catching up with him. He calls in a medic after his feet become numb. We get some skanky blister shots, and the medic tells him that he cannot continue today's march. Loralie fears he will fall too far behind to make up if he stops, but they continue without him anyway.

Ten marchers have made it to the end of Stage One, walking 65 miles to Willimantic, CT, home of the legendary Boom Box Parade (Google it). They're all really proud, especially my favorite virgin Anthony. They hoot and holler as they cross the first finish line. Will even breaks into a little jog. Excluded from the merriment, however, is Shane, who is sidelined back at camp. When they meet back up with him, he gives them update: he has bad blisters and possible stress fractures in his feet. He breaks down as he explains that he's never quit anything in his life, but it's clear that the teammates will inevitably need to make a decision about whether Shane should continue.

But first, the weigh-in. They all lose weight, unsurprisingly, but the biggest loser is Will, who has dropped 19 pounds. Chantal, who was excited to weigh in, is the most disappointed that she only lost four pounds. The best, however, is Jami Lyn, who makes a sideways grimace when she finds out that she's only lost five pounds.

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Fat March

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