Fat March
Fat-us Quo

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
Fat-us Quo

Chantal walks and talks about how she is realizing how competitive she is, even though it's not a race. She says she's setting a race for herself so she won't become lazy. Then zany, silent-movie-style piano music underscores a montage of Chantal giving her sports bra a run for its money. In one clip, she's wearing the outfit of a crazy person (black stretch pants, calf-high boots, and a dark green knit cap -- actually, I think it's just the outfit of an Olsen) as she walks bow-legged and cackles about some joke that no one else is in on. To be fair to everyone else, they probably wouldn't find the joke funny even if they were able to visit the foreign terrain that is Chantal's brain.

Chantal describes herself as "what you see is what you get." This is obnoxious-person code for "I act like a jackass frequently, and I'll never change, so suck it." Cut to a shot of her jokingly (kind of) yelling at Shea, "Walk with the team, bitch!" She then says, "No, I'm just kidding," and gives her a passive-aggressive slap on the back in the sort of half-assed way that lets you know she's actually super insecure. You say Alpha Dog, I say Nut Job. Potato, po-tah-to.

Anthony continues his bitchery while chatting with Lorrie about how Chantal's pissing everyone off. As confirmation, we see an exchange of Chantal blowing the blooms off of a dandelion and telling Anthony her wish was that he would get voted off. Then she lets out a big, overblown chortle while she yanks at his backpack to pull him back so she can catch up to him. Real subtle there, Ellen Degenerate. Apropos of this, Matt points out that, for a comedienne, Chantal is not actually funny.

Back to conversation between Anthony and Lorrie. She asks if anyone has voiced the team's concerns to Chantal and he's all, "No. It's probably just easier to vote her out." Tough talk from someone who was sidelined on the second day. After this comment, Lorrie makes a face like, "Are you seriously going to forfeit ten grand because you're sick of someone's lame jokes?" Then she vocalizes this, but with bigger words. He counters, "When you're that crass, are you really worth the cash?" He may be a surly 26-year-old virgin, but he sure can turn a phrase. Then, for our benefit -- though Anthony could probably use this little talk, too -- Lorrie reiterates that the basic math of the march means the marchers gain financially by sticking together rather than engaging in petty power plays.

Chantal didn't get this memo yet, so she starts to unload on Loralie, who purposefully starts to trail behind. Seriously, these people can't stand Chantal. Chantal decides it's high time for a heart-to-heart with her teammates who hate her. Because those are always a good idea. Especially when everyone who hates you is tired and hungry after walking 87 miles in 10 days.

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Fat March




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