MONDO EXTRAS

Beauty and the Beast: Pilot Review

by Angel Cohn October 11, 2012
Fall Pilot Season 2012: Beauty and the Beast

We open on the Salty Dawg Saloon in the fall of 2003, where we meet the titular beauty Catherine (the always convincing Kristin Kreuk), who is a "hot Ivy educated bartender." She gets saddled with closing up the bar for the night, and encounters some sort of animal living in the dumpster before she squeals in fear. Not to spoil too much in advance, but she later becomes a cop, because what you think of when you think of police detectives are their abilities to jump around and squeal in fright at every little thing that goes bump in the night.

Eventually she tries to start her car, but it's dead. Proper car care (and not leaving her vanity mirror with a light open to drain the battery) would be top on the list for someone as supposedly smart as her, but she ends up calling her mom to help with a jump (according to their conversation, mom is always at her beck and call despite her scrubs alluding to the fact that she's in the medical profession in some way). Catherine shares that she's thrilled that she made enough in tips to cover books and part of a class so that she can achieve her dream of becoming a lawyer like her father.

That's when a mysterious car pulls up in front of them and shines its headlights so we can't see who is inside. When a guy steps out of the vehicle, mom tries to get Catherine to go into her car. She doesn't listen. Instead, she stands there while the guy shoots her mom point blank several times, before she covers her mouth in that way someone would if they saw a nipple slip, not in the way a person would if they just saw their mother stone-cold murdered. Instead of getting into the car and driving off, or, I dunno, maybe calling 911, she runs off into the nearby woods, which is always the worst plan. She fails to look where she's going, and trips into a tree and falls to the ground. The guy with the gun and his equally menacing looking friend quickly catch her, and then there's a growl in the woods. The unseen "beast" comes out and takes down the two guys before they can kill Catherine. He exchanges a pensive glare with her, though we only see his eyes because it is so dark out, and then takes off running.

Then her truly terrible voiceover starts telling us that she had a concussion and people thought she just saw a bear or a coyote. A bear that only kills bad guys? Tell us more about how this works, exactly. She said she believed the people who told her this for years... until now.

We flash-forward to present day, where she's a detective in New York City (stop laughing) and uses her police privileges to get a plum parking spot for the movies. Of course, she meets her boyfriend, who promptly dumps her for having a demanding but hot job and because he doesn't like that he can't smoke pot around her. He says he cancelled their date via text, and you'd think this meant she forgot her phone or something, but after she gets him busted for possession, she immediately picks up her cell phone. So was she just pretending that she didn't get the text? Or did she show up to mess with him (which her initial apology about being late would seem to indicate is not the case)? Or does she just not know how to check her text messages? Going with the latter.

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