The Birds & The Batteries

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The Birds & The Batteries

We open at Nina's house, where Delia and Sam are playing hide-and-go-seek. Delia is helping Nina fold clothes while she waits for Sam to hide. Now that's a damn fine idea -- kids being forced to do manual labor while they play! Delia tells Nina Sam always hides in the same places -- under the bed or in the closet -- so it doesn't really matter how long she counts. Nina tells Delia it's nice of her to play along anyway. Delia's all, "I know." She goes off to find Sam, runs into Nina's room, and immediately checks under the bed. As she does this, Nina walks into the room with her recently-folded basket of laundry. Imagine Nina's surprise when Delia pops up from the side of the bed with a vibrator in her hand. "What's this?" Nina nearly faints. Delia informs Nina that it was under the bed. "That's where that thing got to thank you so much I've been looking everywhere for that," Nina run-ons. Delia asks what it is. Why, it's a foot massager, Delia! Nina explains that it helps relieve the tension in her feet. Delia wants to know how it works. Nina: "Oh, it doesn't. It's broken." She takes the "foot massager" away from Delia, who is now suspicious. She asks why Nina still has it if it's broken, and why she keeps it under her bed. Nina says she was totally going to return it, and has no answer for the second question. She diverts Delia's attention by saying that they should probably go check on Sam. And, after the shortest teaser ever, we go to the credits.

Treat's House of LIES, LIES, LIES! Nina and Treat are in the laundry room, while Nina explains the vibrator story to Treat. Treat's all, "A foot massager? Did she see it? Did she turn it on? Was there...buzzing?" Hee. Nina says she took it away immediately, and apologizes. Treat asks her what it is about her house, what with the Penthouses and vibrators lying around everywhere. "It's like living next door to Larry Flynt." Yes, Treat, because a couple of dirty magazines and a vibrator are clear evidence of Nina's sexual deviance. Nina says she just wanted Treat to know, in case Delia started asking questions. Treat is horrified that he might have to actually explain something to his daughter. Just then, Delia walks in whining about Ephram eating all the ice cream. Treat and Nina turn to Delia with identical cat-that-ate-the-canary expressions. Delia's suspicions are, once again, aroused, because she is, as they say, "not retarded." She asks what they're talking about. Treat, master of improv, blurts, "Cheese!" Hee. He amends his answer quickly to "cheesecake," and he and Nina come up with an elaborate lie about the cheesecake they were discussing for Delia's birthday the next week. Nina, claimng she really has to go, blows out of there like her ass is on fire. Delia doesn't believe a word these people have said, and interrogates her dad, "What were you really talking about?" Treat insists they were talking about cheese...cake, and distracts Delia with ice cream.

Elsewhere in the Brown house, Ephram is working intently on what looks to be homework. Hannah walks in to return Delia's jacket, which she left over at Nina's. Ephram asks her how the dancing went. Hannah says it didn't, and asks Ephram if he's doing homework. Ephram says it's not. Hannah gets all excited, and wants to know if Ephram keeps a journal. Ephram's like, "No way! Journals are for nerds!" He admits it's a letter for Amy. Hannah asks if it's his "addendum" to the "I love you." Ephram is surprised that Hannah knows about that, but Hannah says that Amy told her: "First she said it, then you said it back, there was pizza..." Ephram worries that the order in which it was said is important in some way. Hannah doesn't think so, but Ephram isn't sure, which, he says, makes the addendum more important than ever. Teenagers are so weird. Hannah offers to help. Ephram politely declines. Hannah says she knows she's terrible at just about everything else (aw), but she can write.

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