Is There A Doctor In The House?

Episode Report Card
AB Chao: C+ | Grade It Now!
Fell In Love With A Minor

Previously on Everwood: Hey! Nonny Nonny and Grandpa Hoffman come for a surprise visit; Ephram sneaks out to see Amy, only to get dissed; Grandpa Hoffman tries to guilt Andy into letting Ephram move back to New York, and also is a major jag.

We open on the Brown house in the morning, where Andy tells "Delia" that he had an epiphany that Pop-Tarts were just square cookies, so he's making eggs today. He closes the refrigerator to find a sullen (okay, and cute) Ephram standing there. Andy offers Ephram breakfast. Ephram declines. I like that t-shirt on him. Shut up. An entirely too chipper Grandpa Hoffman walks in and tells Ephram he just got off the phone with "Mr. Ziegler," the headmaster at Ephram's old school. Treat looks pained, like, nearly constipated, as Grandpa Hoffman goes on to explain that "the school will be thrilled to have you back…that's if you decide to go." Sure, Gramps. "If you decide to go" really means "when you go, because you are moving back to New York with us, son, and away from this bad, bad man you call a father, and that's final. No, I mean it." Jackass.

Andy busies himself washing dishes so it won't seem like he's totally eavesdropping, and Gramps goes on to tell Ephram that the headmaster said he could start in three weeks and that, due to the circumstances, he'll "overlook your grades." Andy nearly gives himself whiplash whirling around to face them and says, "That doesn't mean you don't have to go to school today." Ephram blinks and leaves the room. Grandpa Hoffman, inexplicably, just stands there with a terrifyingly bright rictus of a smile painted on his face. Didn't anyone ever tell him it could stick that way? I wish Andy would hit him on the back. Hard.

Andy tells Gramps that it's all very interesting that he's making all these plans for Ephram, except that Andy hasn't said Ephram can go yet. Gramps counters that even so, things have to be "ready. You can't just pick up and move a kid." Andy says he'll think about it, and Gramps tells Andy to do what he needs to, but that he's not just going to "keep [his] hands in [his] pockets while you do." I have no idea what that means, but at least we know now that Gramps isn't walking around Everwood fondling himself. That's a relief.

Worst theme music in the world. I have to turn it down every time the high-pitched screechy violin kicks in. Ouch.

Diner I don't know the name of, because this is my first recap. Oh, you didn't know? Hi. I'm AB Chao. I'll be recapping the show from now on. Nurse Edna, in her nursing whites and a humongous furry coat, walks up to the counter and demands, "Muffin. Coffee." Trumpet Music Of Playful Doom bum-bums in the background while the coffee guy rushes around getting her order. He tells her to just go ahead and take it. Edna sneers at him, snatches her bag, and leaves, as we pan over to a table in the diner, where Delia and someone with his back to us are sitting. As the writers scratch off #476 in their Handy-Dandy Handbook of On-Screen Clichés, Irv The Narrating Bus Driver lowers the newspaper he's been hiding behind. Delia asks Irv why Nurse Edna is scaring everyone. Irv replies, "Because that's what she does." He goes on to explain that Saturday is Edna's birthday, and that because he's a very smart man, he's not throwing her a party. Delia wants to know if someone else should, and Irv says he'd like to see them try. That Delia is so cute. I just love her in her baseball cap. I tried to get my daughter to wear one, and she wouldn't, and then I screamed at her, "WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE DELIA? GOD!" Does that make me a bad parent?

Irv gets up to leave just as H! NN is sitting down. She passive-aggressively insults the town newspaper by saying just how much she loves reading something that's not a police blotter. I really don't like her either, and y'all, I have my TiVo paused on her face right now, and just be glad you're not here to see it. Delia says that no one is throwing Edna a birthday party, and H! NN positively wets herself volunteering to do it. She tells Delia conspiratorially, "I could teach you all my secrets…" No, Delia, please no! Run! Delia tells H! NN that she's not sure if Edna even wants a party, and H! NN says, "The Lupus Foundation didn't want a party either. Now they're bigger than MS, thanks to me!" Delia looks confused, but smiles politely at her poor insane grandmother and inwardly writes a note to herself: Don't Get Senile.

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