The Letter

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | 2 USERS: A+
The Letter

There is no "previously on" segment for this episode. That's because nothing that came before it matters. Everything you once knew? Irrelevant. This changes everything. It's the episode your whole family should watch together. This episode will dye your hair and paint you red. It will take your virginity. And it will not hesitate to steal your car.

A fax shoots off the machine at the front desk. Everyone ignores it. I think they can sense its origin.

Dr. John "Isosceles" Carter and Dr. Susan "Look out, West Wing" Lewis stroll the hall while the latter fills in all the blanks about her Chloe storyline. Apparently, the authorities found her after she fled New York -- Chloe grabbed Suzy and took her to a cheap motel upstate, and the charge showed up on Joe's credit card. "He's driving up to find her," Susan shares. "Maybe I should, too. God knows what she's doing." She sighs in exasperated fatigue and closes her eyes, leaning against the wall in worry. Carter feigns interest while tending to a patient who has a fishing lure stuck in his mouth. I think. It never seems to matter. Susan frets that Suzy is missing school, and that Chloe could easily lose her in any custody case that might ensue. Carter suggests that Susan have her sister declared an unfit mother. "Then Joe gets Suzy," points out Susan. Carter shrugs that he may not want her. Susan's generally despondent about the whole thing, mostly because she senses it will get dragged on ad nauseam next season when Suzy shows up demanding to be raised properly, then sinks into an abyss of heroin. And she'll be played by a new actress, and it will be Hallee Hirsh again.

An angry man crutches his way through the hallway. "Hey, lady, where's my leg?" he snarls at Susan. "I believe it was amputated," she snips, not looking at him. He's a grubby little dude named Toby, and he's embittered. "Not the real one, you moron," spits Toby. "My prosthetic!" Carter wonders innocently if Toby ever had a prosthetic. "Oh, yes. And she took it," Toby spits. "What would I want with your leg?" Susan asks, annoyed. "You tell me, you pervert," he leers. Carter steers Toby to a bed and says, quite gamely, "Can you describe the leg?" And all I can hear is The Geek -- Anthony Michael Hall -- asking Principal Vernon if he could describe the ruckus, right before The Rebel puts his head between The Prom Queen's legs. And I laugh, because I'm in a happier place. Which is not to say that "between Molly Ringwald's thighs" is my happy place. I just meant...oh, forget it. Basically, we get the sense that Toby is full of shit, and has come in before claiming that his prosthesis was stolen when, in fact, he never owned one. Carter promises to investigate, then quietly asks Haleh if they have any spare prosthetics to give Toby. "Somebody stole [his] leg again," he says. "Uh huh," Haleh growls knowingly. Isn't a prosthetic something fairly expensive to give away on a whim? Like, if I can spend $6000 on getting a fake molar jammed into my gum, then I'm fairly certain Carter shouldn't be handing out false limbs with nothing but a smile as payment. Unless he's accepting sexual favors. That slut.

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