ER
The Advocate

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Heathen: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Advocate

Out at the front desk, everything's more normal: Frank is braying into the phone, Abby is bustling around looking sullen, and Weaver's complaining. All is well. The good-looking guy from earlier finally introduces himself to Weaver as Keith Mitchell. Weaver's face registers complete shock when Keith prompts her, "I believe special arrangements were made by Alderman Bright."

Somehow, Weaver got Keith to a private room without shoving him in a laundry cart or hiding him in her shirt. She pulls a curtain closed for good measure. "Jonathan has nothing but wonderful things to say about you," Keith offers, removing his jacket. He babbles about how long he's worked there -- two years -- and what a wonderful mentor Bright is -- generous with both his time and his cock. He rolls up his sleeve. "This goes in the buttocks," Kerry says. Keith's all, yeah, that's what he said, baby. Keith exposits that Bright spotted the sore two nights ago. "I was so embarrassed. I hope I didn't give it to him," he reddens. "He didn't have it?" Weaver chokes, pale. Keith shakes his head and explains that he was crazy in college, but that he and Bright are monogamous now. Kerry's all, no pun intended, but...monogamous my ass, boy. If Keith really didn't have syphilis and Bright suddenly developed it, wouldn't Bright have had to be boning somebody else? "I have to say, he was really cool about it. Most people wouldn't be so understanding," Keith says dreamily. Kerry looks like she wants to throw up all over his tight young booty. "All done," she says instead. "We all have our past, right?" Keith chirps, tucking in his shirt. Weaver averts her toes.

Some old man's sassy wife fell off her treadmill -- this is the woman Abby was waiting for earlier. "I told you not to work out so much," he grumbles. "So I can watch soaps all day?" she lips. Then she tells Carter her hair is falling out. "I blame that on him," she sighs. "She's just kidding," her husband says. "The hell I am!" she shouts. Her husband clearly wants to tell her to shut her mischief hole, but no one put that in the script, so he stays silent. "Did you check her fingernails?" Abby asks Carter. "Yeah, I was getting to that," he snaps. Abby is briefly taken aback, but covers; we learn that the woman, Ruthy, is exposed to arsenic on a daily basis through her job at a wood-processing plant. Carter asks Abby to obtain her past test results from OSHA, and they escape right as The Bickersons get going again.

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