ER
The Advocate

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Heathen: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Advocate

On that, we cut to a shot of Luka sitting in a leather wing chair; clearly this is all part of a monologue he's been delivering to someone so that we might understand that he's In Serious Pain, and Deeply Tormented, and Really, Really Pretty. Although, problematically, the whole thing's sabotaged by his coif. It's his usual side part, but his hair's slicked across his forehead in one giant chunk, a wave of Brylcreamed black death. That is the real tragedy of this episode. "You fix them up or you watch them die. Either way it ends, and you move on. No next time, no strings, no real connection," he says, half in-scene and half disembodied. "Maybe that's why I stay."

We cut back to the hospital on that last line and see Luka standing outside, staring at the rain. This is much better. Wet brooding is definitely the way to go. The rain is putting out the fire in his loins that burns only for me. What? Prove me wrong. The camera pulls back and the street noises slowly get louder, bringing us back into the scene. Abby appears at his side. "You waiting on an incoming?" she asks. He snaps out of his reverie and says, "Coffee." Silence. "Cigarette break?" he asks conversationally. Abby shakes her head. "Do you want some?" he asks. Yes, oh, God, YES, I thought you'd never ask, Luka baby. Abby is even like, "Um, wha...?" Luka clarifies, "Coffee?" Abby declines politely. Luka grins and nudges her playfully. "You're not turning into a health nut on me?" he asks. She shakes her head and smiles that she's waiting for an old lady who fell off her treadmill. Luka pulls up his collar and trudges out into the rain. Never in my life have I wanted so badly to be a collar.

Elizabeth sits down with the assaulted girl who will hereafter be known as Crazy Toe Girl, for obvious reasons. And in honor of what's going to happen, I hereby disavow any and all knowledge of the word "eye," excepting the time I will scream it out loud at the television and to my friends. Okay? Good. CTG is skinny and pale, and her left toe is totally jacked -- the nail is hyper-dilated, giving her vision trouble. Gently, Elizabeth asks what happened, and whether she should call some parental units. "I don't live at home," CTG snaps. She's reticent with details, despite Elizabeth's calm and caring demeanor. Stupid CTG doesn't understand that she's getting The Best of Corday, Volume II: Bedside Manner for free. That toe problem is really affecting her judgment. "They call it boot camp for kids who can't get along with their parents," Crazy Toe Girl finally blurts. "So they discipline you?" Elizabeth presses. "Does this look like discipline?" CTG screeches, pointing to her toe. "I heard they raped a girl!" Elizabeth turns to a nearby Haleh and suggests that she get the cops. Haleh -- sensing that her work here is done, even though we don't know what she was doing -- departs. Elizabeth tries again with CTG. "I'm sure your mother would like to know you're here, safe," she says. CTG spits that her mom's the one who sent her there. Elizabeth looks surprised, as if Boot Camp for Really, Really Problematic And Crazy Kids is usually entirely elective.

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