Shifts Happen

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Heathen: D+ | Grade It Now!
Shifts Happen

Previously on Easy Rider, our British heroine Elizabeth straddled Dr. Diego in the back seat of either his or her car and galloped him home like a thoroughbred. Gillian introduced herself to Abby and delivered the fateful and poorly written "Dear John" letter from...well, John himself. Chen dumped Pratt because he seemed to be in it for the fun and not for any prospect of long-term love. And finally, Abby had a bad day and shouted, "I hate my job!"

We begin in Pratt's apartment as he hops out of bed and turns on the shower. He's wearing a tank top that shows off his muscles. They're rippling. I'm not that keen on All Pratt, All The Time, but if I have to see him, I'll take him this way. I think one of his delts just winked at me. He vigorously brushes his teeth, then cooks up some of the nastiest-looking scrambled eggs in history, scraping them from the pan with a determination that says, "A Hero Tames The Beast Egg." Then we see him racing up the steps at the El station, fighting a flow of people going the other way. He bumps into a newspaper vendor who's just closed up shop, and asks for a copy; the man actually gripes about this, as if he can't use the extra buck, and as if selling one more copy involved something more than just lifting the rock off the pile and removing one. Fool. "Old news by now," the man says. And sure enough, The Graphic Of Ha, We Bet You Gullible Fools Thought It Was Morning tells us that it's 6:28 PM. Such a tease, that graphic.

Elizabeth looks very pretty in her extreme close-up, which is what we cut to next. She's asking whether Ella had her bath, and wants the nanny to put her on the phone for a goodnight. Evidently Ella can't come to the phone because she's very busy, stacking Lego or drawing touching pictures of her and Mommy Nanny, or popping tabs of Ecstasy, or other assorted childplay. "Give her a kiss goodnight, then," Elizabeth sighs. Pause. Dr. Diego appears behind Elizabeth, buckling his belt, which seems awfully unfair for the rest of us. "No, I won't work too hard," Elizabeth says, blushing a tad, because she's already burned off more calories on The Shag Diet than on any other. She hangs up the phone. "Everything okay?" Diego asks. "Yeah," Elizabeth says absently. "She's watching Clifford." Diego comes up behind her, all ready to ask if she wants to see some big red dog too, but then thinks better of an impromptu viewing party and instead kisses her shoulder, saying, "Everyone's allowed a little down time -- even Ella's mother." And the dog. Which...damn. Elizabeth sits up -- letting the sheets fall so that we can see Alex Kingston's in kick-ass shape -- and begins putting on her bra. "Sneaking all feels a little...unseemly," Elizabeth admits. So is the amount of oil on her chest right now. She's sporting more lube than Hugh Hefner's bedside table. "You say 'unseemly.' I say sexy," Diego grins. Elizabeth glows. "That, too," she purrs. "Not to mention fun," he says, crawling onto the bed. "Our shift starts in..." she begins, panting. "My car's fast," he says. Hope he is, too. "You've just had a shower," Elizabeth says, licking her lips as Diego advances and lowers her onto her back. "Water's cheap," he counters. "You're half-dressed," she drools. "You're not," he checkmates. They make out. You go, Elizabeth.

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