No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | 1 USERS: B
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Previously on ER, Luka didn't slow down his surging Dodge Penis when Erin asked him to, and they crashed. Eric rejected Abby's insistences that he lean on her. Alderman Bright encouraged Kerry to wipe his medical record clean of syphilis, so she did, and lied to Susan that he was negative for the STD. Carter was Pratt's confidant with the truth about Leon's brain damage.

Zavery is quite the little monkey. Seriously. He's crawling around the gurney making noises and chomping at Abby Lockhart's arm; thank God he's too young to know that monkeys like to throw their own feces. Cheerfully, Zavery's mother says he fell while trying to climb their ficus plant, and she hadn't stopped him because their therapist suggested that letting him enact his simian impulses would be good for him. Abby asks Dr. Susan Lewis to check him for a corneal abrasion, and trucks him off to a room.

Meanwhile, Susan stops at the bedside of a shaggy-haired cutie named Aidan. "Oh, you're a wrestler!" Susan says, recognizing the uniform sitting next to him. "Yeah," he says. "What do you do?" Susan duhs that she's a doctor, doofus, but he means what does she do to stay in shape -- to which Susan of course responds with a crack about lifting margarita pitchers. I find it amusing that Abby, an alcoholic, is befriending a woman whose every joke revolves around how much she drinks.

We jump to Luka Kovac next. He's treating a rasping forty-ish man, listening to his chest sounds. "Bastards," the man huffs. "It's from the cigarettes, isn't it?" Luka confirms that the patient does indeed have a spreading case of cancer. "I need you to write me up a full disclosure, so I can file a lawsuit against the tobacco company," barks the man. Luka points out that the man's been sucking the tar out of cigarettes since he was a teenager, and so logically his love of smoky fellatio might have some bearing on his condition. "You should concentrate on managing your disease, making the most of the time you have left," Luka advises. "I get it -- this is just the HMOs and Big Business covering each other's asses," the man grouses. "Screw you, pal. I'll see you in court." Luka's all, Nice try, Cancer Man, but you'll kick off long before you can kick it on the witness stand. Then, he storms away -- right into Dr. Kerry Weaver. "What was that all about?" she asks. "Stupidity," Luka answers. "On whose part? His, or yours?" she asks, dryly. Fed up, Luka snarls that he can't believe how litigious Americans are, and how little they like to accept blame for their own fates. Apparently, only altruists live in Croatia. "If you don't like it, go back to Croatia," Frank snaps. "There's not nearly as many lawyers [there]. Lots more land mines, though."

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