Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | 1 USERS: A+

Back at the love shack, Carter is at home wrapping gifts to send to his County friends when Kem arrives home. He teases that he paid fifty bucks for Luka's mask and Kem almost drops it. "I'm kidding. It was three," he giggles. Whee! He's cheap! He's willing to spend a fortune on drugs but he's not going to give a craftsman more than three dollars? Interesting. Kem notices Abby's gift and asks who that is; "She's a, you know, a friend," Carter hedges. "I hope she still is." Then he looks up and teasingly asks if Kem's jealous. She purses her lips comically and jokes, "Maybe." Carter laughs and returns to wrapping his gifts as Kem gazes at him, turning somber. "I think I might be pregnant," she blurts. Carter slows to a halt, then looks up at her. "What?" he asks. "How? When did...." Kem looks at him pointedly. "Oh, yeah," he says with recognition. I take this to mean that they had a condom break, or some other semen-related accident, and I so hate having to write "semen" with regard to Carter. I'm not surprised they were shagging, as when you work in such a depressing atmosphere, it's likely they seek whatever comforts they can to feel normal and human. But I am a little surprised they aren't SUPER-careful, since Kem's job involves trying to treat what is most commonly a sexually transmitted disease. Kem's nervous that Carter is angry or upset, and admits that she's actually pretty happy about it. Carter's face is slowly registering more and more delight. He gets up on his knees and pulls her down in front of him. "Do you want to have a baby?" she asks. "I don't know, do you?" he asks. Kem hedges that her program is pretty time-consuming and points out that they've known each other for about an hour. "Six weeks," he twinkles, taking her hands and gazing at her adoringly. Sparkly music plays as Kem blushes, "Oh, God, I'm really in trouble," and they hug happily. We fade to black still more or less unable to fathom which one of Carter's fairly annoying discussions with her was the one that convinced her to take off her pants.

This act begins with Abby and Vomiting Santa, which we've already seen. It seems Santa isn't the only one regurgitating things this year. Instead of following her over to the front desk, though, we cut to Valerie bumping into Pratt, who barely meets her eye. "Merry Christmas," he says. "Yeah," she says. Pratt then notices Gallant dancing with Neela and busts over there so that he's not talking to Valerie. I hate Pratt. Valerie's on crutches, Pratt. She's not steaming with the stench of a thousand corpses.

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