Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | 1 USERS: A+

Seven months earlier. In the Congo, Luka's jet takes off, leaving Carter on the ground with Debbie and Angelique. We've seen this already: Debbie can't believe Carter doesn't like the Dixie Chicks, Carter looks slightly interested, Debbie needs deep conditioner on her hair...Nothing new.

Cut to the treatment center, where Carter's with a sick man and is taking a new guy through the drill. It's like the torch is being passed, a ceremony this show appears to enjoy. The new guy, who has a French accent, wants to give the man a spinal tap. I wish fervently that Christopher Guest were involved. "We have to save the taps for patients who really need them," Carter says. "If he doesn't improve in a week, we'll tap him then." Oh, boy. He's going to be just like Luka when he gets back to County. Minus the sultry. And the accent. And me trotting after him like a bitch in heat.

Carter heads into the scrub room, where he encounters Angelique. "How's our Belgian dermatologist?" she smiles. "Suffering from first-day shock," Carter says. He's grown The Beard by this point, so I guess enough time has elapsed that he can be all superior about having busted through the shock barrier. Angelique asks him if he's coming to something that night, and he is. "Coming alone?" she asks. "No," he replies. Angelique grins and says she thinks it's great, but Carter insists that it's nothing serious and Angelique trots off into surgery with a sultry smile, porn music dripping from her salivating maw. Seriously, she's begun looking like she'd like to fuck everything that passes her.

The event of which they spoke appears to be some kind of party. Carter hurries through vehicles and a throng of people until he gets to a big table. "Bonjour," he grins, giving Debbie a kiss. Apparently, she doesn’t mind his musical tastes as long as he's got a fully functioning rhymes-with-Dixie-Chicks. A French nurse is yammering about imperialism. Another guy rants that the conqueror brings with him the seeds of his own destruction. I hope that's not an omen, considering Carter's future conquering of Thandie and the involvement of his seed. It's an incredibly boring conversation they're having --everyone who isn't American is bitching about the Americans, and Carter just sits there and chortles and occasionally offers up what he thinks are witticisms, uttered in a bad French-American accent. To wit: Frenchie is talking about how corporations and commercialism suck, and she mentions McDonald's, and Carter says, "Mon dieu, what I wouldn't give for a Quarter Pounder avec cheese right now!" It's a Royale with Cheese, Gerard Depardumb-ass. Don't you watch movies? Frenchie complains again that Americans are ruining other cultures by spreading theirs, as if it's somehow our fault that France sucks. "From what I've heard of French rock and roll, you were well on your way to ruining French music on your own," Carter laughs. He tries to change the subject, but a lovely young thing at the end of the table -- namely, Thandie -- pipes up that she's pretty much okay with Americans intervening in Iraq, given that the Ba'athists were rapists and mass murderers. Her blithe delivery piques Carter's amusement, and he sort of snickers, "Hear, hear." Then Thandie rants that she's not as okay with Americans' dismissing other international concerns and trampling over diplomacy to achieve selfish ends, and blah blah blah, if America sucks so badly, why doesn't ER go shoot in Canada? If I want to be beaten over the head with a producer's political views, I'll go watch The West Wing. Or the Fox News Channel. It's certainly not why I watch ER.

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