Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | 5 USERS: A-

More explosions that we can't hear, and that I only know exist because the closed-captioners say it's so. It's night now, and Carter's trying to sleep, but there's a party raging on without him. Realizing that he doesn't want to be thought of as a giant wet blanket, Carter ambles out from under the mosquito netting and toward the medical tent. Charles has turned it into a bar. He's playing Willie Nelson and dancing with Basinake, while Gillian and Luka slow-dance. "Willie Nelson?" Carter asks. "Charles went to college in Texas," Patrique says. Gillian stares up into Luka's eyes, one hand on his shoulder; he rubs her arms. Carter smiles delightedly at this little bit of normalcy. Now, Gillian's left cheek is pressed to Luka's right shoulder, her right arm reaching up so she can fondle his neck. His cheek's resting against her hair, and he's stroking her right shoulder. They're barely moving. It's a tight and really affectionate dance. I'm sure they're clinging together less out of genuine love and more out of a need for human contact, and hello, who can blame them. Wartime sex is hot. Luka languidly dips Gillian at the end of the song, to her delight. Carter grins and bows, maybe as if to ask for a dance, but an explosion behind him knocks him off-balance. He flails hilariously and can't decide whether to hit the floor or stand up and gawk, so instead he flaps his arms and squawks. The rebels shoot him and deep-fry him for dinner. "Dr. John, get down!" shouts Charles. Carter belly-flops onto the ground.

Silence. The screams of a child jerk Luka's head up; a woman races toward them carrying her wounded daughter. They snap into trauma mode. The girl's foot got blown off, and for reasons I don't really understand but which probably stem from the show's desire to push that envelope right into the hands of the person announcing Emmy winners for Best Re-Enactment Of An Amputation Below The Knee, they decide they have to amputate below the knee. They don't have anesthesia or proper surgical equipment, but they have a trusty saw, and Luka isn't afraid to use it. French. More French. Yet more French. And then, for a change of pace, some French. The girl screams so hard that I'm worried her throat is going to explode. Her frightened mother touches the girl's face. She doesn't have acne either. Whither the pimples?

Gillian urges them to flee before Whoever Is Bombing Them gets there and sends them all up to Gamma's big DAR meeting in the sky. Luka refuses to leave until the offending limb is gone. Charles sterilizes the saw, and Luka grabs it and lumberjacks his way through the girl's leg. Slice, dice, and then Timber -- it's off, and Luka didn't even have to wear suspenders and a bra. Luka bandages the leg, scoops her up, and they all dash through the jungle toward an old plantation where Charles figures they can hide. Willie Nelson plays as they flee. Everyone stops and ducks behind trees, Luka still holding the girl. "Weep for me," Willie sings. Luka looks stressed and Carter's deep into Shocked Look #67: They Didn't Say Anything About This In The Brochure. We fade to black wondering why they make Carter look like such an idealistic bumbling doofus all the time, if indeed this is his "Coming Of Age -- Yet Again" episode. It doesn't help his cause if everything he does, Luka tops somehow with some act of sexy -- er, by which I mean, unattractive and unhygienic -- rebellion.

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