ER
Just A Touch

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Just A Touch

A woman named Mrs. Garrison is freaking out, and Malarkey tries to restrain her. She's clearly an astute character study and knows that no good can come from the hands and mind of a stoned imbecile. Luka catches wind of this and stops them from putting hard or soft restraints on her, insisting that she'll be fine once she's on her meds. "She'll be fine," he repeats calmly. Mrs. Garrison returns the favor by opening wide and chomping down on Luka's forearm. This actress will never brush her teeth again. She's eaten Goran Visnjic -- does it get any tastier? He screams. Malarkey smarms, "Guess you should've put her in restraints!" Mrs. Garrison turns to ponder Dr. Shitstorm and decides to wind up and palm his nads in a vigorous, exploratory fashion. Malarkey shrieks, and we smash to commercial on the melodious roar of a chorus of dying sperm, the song that will play liltingly in our memories as we close our eyes and relish with a smile the fact Malarkey won't be propagating anytime soon.

Weaver's lawyer, Mr. Bald, explains to her that Sandy Lopez's family is arguing that they get the kid because their daughter was his biological mother, and Kerry never officially adopted him. "We were working on that," Kerry sputters defensively. The Bald Eagle nods his understanding, but it doesn't change the situation. "If the child's genetic father is willing to assign you parental rights..." Bald begins, but Kerry frets that Romano is dead and gone. No, just kidding, but wouldn't that have been a corker? Henry could've popped out with a bionic arm and a taste for hate, and made life a lot more interesting right off the bat. Anyway, I guess it was an anonymous sperm donor, so no luck there. Bald says he can establish parental intent, at least, which should get Kerry temporary access. This doesn't please the Weav, who spits, "Henry is my son." She needs a new argument, since the whole issue here centers on that line's not being quite enough. The Bald Spot says that the state has recently adopted an approach to custody cases that is neutral on the issue of sexual orientation, but points out that being the Gay Widow doesn't quite offset the fact that she's single and has a very, very demanding job that takes her away from Henry. "They present blood relations with a loving family and a stay-at-home mom," he says. Kerry snaps that she'll cut back her hours, or quit altogether. Good plan! The only thing better than a single, busy mother is a single, unemployed, no-income one! Yeah!

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