Just A Touch

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | 1 USERS: B+
Just A Touch

Malik yells for Pratt; Seizure Mom is at it again. In her room, the adorable baby is crying and the husband is panicking as Seizure goes to town with the convulsions. They manage to calm her down, but Luka calls Pratt out of the room and tells him that the EEG still doesn't show that as having been a real seizure. He tells Pratt to call Psych on her, because she was faking it. We fade to black on a dumbfounded and awestruck Pratt, because God knows no woman's ever faked it with him before, right? Right. Sure. Absolutely.

Up in the Psych ward, the Klingon guy talks to Abby. It's only here that I recognize him as the bus driver from Speed. She answers him in gutteral gibberish that apparently passes for Klingon; an approaching Big Ears is impressed. Abby is delighted with herself. "Good. We had to get rid of our Klingon translator in the most recent round of budget cuts," Big Ears says. He claims he's serious, and says his friend in Seattle just had to hire someone fluent in Elvish. "Thank you, Mr. Tolkien," he sighs. Oh, whatever. How do you actually get fluent in those languages, anyway? Memorizing the books? Abby smiles. Big Ears pauses, and then credits her with an interesting approach in the group. I can't figure out really how or why that worked, because I don't believe for a minute that her lighting a cigarette would've led to a lasting quietude. If it did, I'd be lighting one and running with it through my entire office building. Big Ears apologizes for throwing Abby into the deep end, but says it's the best way to gauge a student's worth, and he praises her for the way the patients responded to her. He claims it's heretofore unseen. "Of course, I've never seen anyone show as much disregard for hospital policy. I think you scared them," he grins. Abby gets paged to the ER, so she leaves; Big Ears calls out that she should try hypnosis to cure her smoking habit. God, he'd never have suggested putting her under if he knew what demons plumbing the depths of her psyche would summon.

And here is the shot that I'm sure we've all been dreaming of since we were wee enough to fantasize: a loving close-up of Jerry's nipple. Pratt squeezes it. I hope someone's secretly filming this for the hospital's blackmail file. We pull out to discover that Pratt's recreating for Weaver exactly what he did and said with Brunette, except that he's completely disquieted both by having to do this on Jerry and by Jerry's interested and pleasant expression. Jerry, I should point out, shaves his pits. Malik enters the room and stops short, gaping. "WHAT?" Pratt squawks. Malik stammers that Weaver's lawyer is there to see her. "Are we done here?" frowns Pratt. Weaver orders him to prepare a lecture for the medical students on gender sensitivity in physical examinations, and sails out of the room. Pratt leaves to go speak with the just-arrived Abby, passing an incredulous and mute Malik on the way out. Malik turns back to Jerry, who yanks up the sheet to cover his chest. "Do you mind?" he blushes.

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