Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | 1 USERS: A+

The Flash of The Fall of the Dodge Penis. The aforementioned Dodge Penis is speeding and weaving. You'd think Luka would be better at steering that thing. "It's not your fault," Erin says. This feels like such a cheap way to build suspense -- using "it" a lot and hoping that we'll perch on the end of the couch and squeal in anguish until the precious pronoun is further defined. Luka spits that he should've been more careful, and Erin begs him to slow down. "These things happen," she offers. "Two months in the ER don't make you an expert," spits Luka. Erin counters that It could've happened to anyone. That naughty It. Such a ho. "Please slow down!" Erin pleads, panicking. "These things don't just happen," Luka grunts. "Not if you know what you're doing." And with that, Luka speeds around a corner, skids, and fishtails, which shouldn't happen if you know what you're doing with your Penis, Luka. Erin screams at him to pull over, and then shrieks as Luka plows his Dodge Penis into the Grim Hobo Reaper's shopping cart of doom.

The Flash of Everybody's Mad at Luka. Luka's at the hospital, brooding. It happens sometimes. Chen appears behind him and shares that a patient named Jane is headed up to the OR. "You want to talk to them?" she asks brightly. "That's okay. You do it," he says morosely, walking away. Chen looks a bit perplexed, but shakes it off and trucks into the room of a sick-looking girl of about eleven, and her father. This is Jane. "Is the other doctor here? The cute one?" Jane asks, hopefully. Wow, even the little ones can sense it. Step off, though, kiddo. I can take you and I'm not afraid to throw a few elbows. Abby enters, also looking for Luka. "On his way out," Chen says. Jane's father asks her to thank Luka for making "them" give Jane a head CT. At least Luka gets to be a hero somewhere.

Abby barges into the lounge, where Luka's collecting his things from his locker. "What, you're just going to leave?" Abby snarls. "Shift's almost over," he says quietly. "Anyway, it wasn't my shift." Abby crosses her arms impatiently. "What's going on, Luka?" she demands. "I'll be fine," he says, still not turning to look at her. "What you do outside this hospital, that's up to you, but not when it starts preventing you from doing your job, not when it starts hurting patients," Abby rants. Okay, pause. Because I've seen the rest of the episode, I can't not comment on the unfairness of this. Luka was forced to come in, hung over as shit, to work a shift. Yes, he should suck it up and keep his wits about him even when he's hung over, but Abby makes it sound like he's deliberately and carelessly going off on benders on days when he knows he has to work the next morning. And that's just not true. This is the kind of made-up drama that makes this episode ring false -- that line's only in there so that it can be vague and a tease, so we'll be like, "Ooh, I can't wait to see what horrors he did outside work!" Bleh. Luka agrees with me. He doesn't even look at Abby because he's offended by her false lines. He just wraps a scarf around his neck and prepares to unleash the hotness. When the time is right, my pretties. "Do you even care?" Abby sputters. "Do you even care that that kid is lying out there as good as dead?" This must be the kid Susan stood over earlier. And I love how I say that like I don't already know it's true. Finally, even though I'm irritated with Abby, it is nice to see her putting patients first and acting like the authority figure she's become at County. Luka closes his locker and turns slowly, staring at the ground, then bringing his eyes up to meet Abby's. His expression is drawn, somber; his eyes are completely empty and dead. Abby's expression changes from anger to alarm. He approaches her, opens his mouth a little, then folds his gloves and leaves in total silence. Abby wants to say something, but can't find the words. I will supply them: "Do me."

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