Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | 1 USERS: A+

Abby and Luka watch the ambulance arrive; a medic unloads COA, announcing that he was sideswiped by a bus while seemingly fleeing from somebody. Luka notices that the man's last name is Croatian, and speaks in his native tongue. The man responds. "He doesn't want the police," translates Luka. As they cart him inside, Abby laughingly warns him to flee before he gets sucked back inside, but Luka wonders if he should stay in case COA needs a translator. Abby insists that they're fine, and heads back inside. Luka turns and begins trudging home, but then he's seized by compassion -- or possibly the reality that he's got little better to do, since he's so lonely -- and he turns back around to go inside. It's the decision that he should never have made. We fade to black thinking that the eerie music they're using sounds an awful lot like the woman who played a metal coat-hanger with a violin bow on Sesame Street that one time.

The Flash Of Where The Hell Has Carter Been? Everyone's unpacking Christmas decorations in the hospital. "What time did Luka say he was coming in?" Weaver screeches at Abby. "He didn't," Abby replies. John "The Whitest Christmas" Carter appears, his hair all boyish and kinda cute. "You sure you don't want to meet me in Boston?" he asks. Abby insists that he needs quality time with his father. Just then, Luka enters; Weaver promises him that she'll only need him for two or three hours to get them through the rough patches. Erin enters from the opposite door, and tellingly looks down, flushed, when she sees Luka. "Kovac and Harkins," Yosh gossips to Abby and Chuny. "I don't think so," Abby shakes her head. "Sure looks that way," Frank says. Chuny registers nothing on her face, which is weird considering she's boffed Luka. "She's not like that," insists a sweetly gallant Gallant. Abby and Yosh swap amused glances at his defense of Erin. Yeah, she and Gallant are going to shag. That's got to be where the trail of anvils is leading. And no, I don't read the spoilers -- I just check to make sure the thread is on-topic -- so I don't know whereof I speak. I'm just guessing. Because I've watched television before.

Carter hands off his patients to Luka, who looks absolutely terrible. My stomach's churning just staring at him, although it could be from the raging hormones he incites. "Serves you right for being a party animal," Carter grins. "Thanks for coming in." Luka smiles, "Not my choice." Carter almost exits, then turns and says offhandedly that there's one more patient he can see -- a college kid named Rick who looks like he's got influenza. "But check it out," Carter requests. He then exposits, because for some reason Luka asks, that it's his father's first Christmas alone, so he promised they'd spend it together. Luka morosely watches Abby walk Carter to the door and give him a perfunctory kiss goodbye. It bothers him. And me. I want to rip off the legs of the triangle and feed them to Frank. Suddenly, Rick appears behind Luka. "You taking over now?" he asks. "Because I feel much better, so I think I'm going to tough it out." Luka appraises him and then tells him to stick around until they're sure. "We'll get to you soon," he promises as his trousers spontaneously combust.

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