Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | 1 USERS: A+

The king of Castle CT bitches that Jane's got two people in line ahead of her. "She had a seizure in the ER while she was waiting," Luka argues, refusing to give up on the one storyline that will make him look like something other than a boozy knob. "You're not the only doctor in the ER," retorts the king. Luka demeans the importance of the other two cases, and Erin pipes up in impassioned tones that Jane is only eleven, and could have an epidural bleed that requires surgery to save her life. "She's next," Erin spits defiantly, waving Jane's gurney into the room.

The Flash of Aw, If They Only Knew. Cute Rick and Confused Cynthia are in an exam room with Luka and Abby. "He says he doesn't get sick much," Cynthia offers. Luka figures he'll bounce back pretty quickly, and listens to Rick's breath sounds; they're clear, he decides. Cynthia exposits that she wants to leave because she needs to clean up their apartment -- Rick's parents are coming, and she's never met them before. "[You] should stay until we see if he needs any medicine...that might make him light-headed," Luka requests. Wow. Poor cute brain-damaged Rick. He got so much more than light-headed.

Abby follows Luka out of the room. "What do you want?" she asks. Luka orders a CBC, urine dip, and a chest x-ray. So he does order the CBC right away, so he didn't pooch that as badly as the show made us think he did. "What about a hemocue? He's looking pretty pasty," Abby suggests. Luka brushes it aside, ascribing that to dehydration. Okay, so maybe he did just fuck up pretty badly. Abby takes a deep breath. "Are we okay?" she asks. "About what?" Luka blinks innocently. "Last night. In the bedroom," Abby probes. "Did I do something stupid?" he wonders too innocently, so you know that he totally remembers what he did, and he can't wait for us to catch up so he can see our faces when we find out, because our world will be rocked. Rocked! And we'll remember why ER is America's No. 2 drama. Abby can't believe he doesn't remember. "I had a couple drinks," shrugs Luka. "Couple of dozen," Abby prods. Pause. Finally, she gives up. "Okay, as long as we're all right," she says. Luka tells her to let him know when the CBC comes back, and walks away. "I'm concerned," she calls after him. Luka -- deliberately, I think -- misinterprets this as referring to Rick's condition. "He's got the flu, Abby. You worry too much," he replies glibly. We fade to black on Abby's knowing face, and we decide that this act-out is pretty much devoid of dramatic tension if you've been vaccinated against Bermuda Triangle Syndrome, which most of the free world has.

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