Episode Report Card
Heathen: C | 2 USERS: B+

Previously on Everything Rotten: Sam pinned Romano to the wall and tore off southern Utah after it groped her ass. Susan considered dumping Chuck because she wasn't inspired. Romano threatened to fire Pratt, because he is inspired.

We fade up on Trauma Yellow to the dulcet tones of Romano announcing, "He's going to blow an O-ring!" Is this gay porn? No, it can't be. There's no fuckswing. Abby is gamely leading a trauma with Sam, Neela, and Lester while Romano watches disapprovingly. The patient begins to twitch. Romano produces a vial of a substance and proclaims that the paramedics must have missed it. Abby glares at it. "What are the physiological effects of cocaine?" Romano quizzes. "It's a sympathetic stimulant," Abby answers. "Alpha, or beta?" Romano asks. "Both," Neela says. Abby flinches, mildly irritated and imagining Romano roasting on a spit with the apple in his mouth that Neela's probably saving in her coat to give him. As the patient's sats go down, Abby starts compressions amid Romano's taunts. "The beta-blocker made him worse," he says sternly. "His BP's through the roof and he's bleeding in his brain." The patient courteously underscores Romano's point by hitting asystole. "What should she have given?" Romano asks. Neela answers him correctly. ''Gold dot for your forehead," he says, racistly. I'm so delighted this show has given me cause to turn "racist" into an adverb. Upset, Abby defends that she's seen beta-blockers work before. "Oh, I forgot, you have nursing experience, which means you can handle ninety percent of the patients," Romano snorts. "Unfortunately that means you might kill the other ten percent." Abby insists that her patient isn't dead yet, but Romano calls it off. "Just another dead junkie," Romano mocks her. Everyone around looks sad and hangs his or her head as Romano congratulates Abby on killing the practice dummy. We cut out to a shot that's wide enough to confirm that, yes, lying in the trauma room is not an actual junkie but a training dummy. "Okay, reset for the next student," he says. The dummy's eyes fly open, and suddenly it's a blue-eyed possessed-looking doll, and we smash into the credits shuddering, because in general dolls are the creepiest things on the planet besides cockroaches, toe shenanigans, and Pratt.

Abby and Neela fold up the dummy, as if that bastard isn't going to get possessed with the embittered spirit of Lucy Knight and show up in their classes the next day to out-med-student them all in a bloodless coup. Neela tries to make small talk about how much it stinks that they're working through the holiday, but Abby's not really connecting with her. "Your overdose was much harder than my dialysis patient," Neela tries again. Abby doesn't answer her, because Neela sits at the right hand of Romano while Abby's stuck on the other side getting clumsy myoelectric bitchslaps.

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