Finders Keepers

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Heathen: F | Grade It Now!
Finders Keepers

In case you, like so many others, have stopped watching this show, Dr. Romano's arm got severed and then reattached, but it's been malfunctioning lately. His poor attitude, diminished skills, and complete inability to coordinate his arm sling with his snazzy OR kerchiefs prompted Anspaugh to propose that Romano and Weaver share the Chief of Staff job. Romano wasn't keen on this idea, though, because the last time he was keen on something, it ignored him and married a bald, tumored eunuch. So, Weaver gets the title outright. Also, Chen and Susan went to Vegas. The show doesn't mention it in the previously-on, but there's also some ambiguity as to Carter and Abby's romantic status.

Dr. Kerry "Meet The New Boss" Weaver enters a darkened office full of boxed-up memorabilia. From one crate, she picks up a model rocket and studies it curiously, wondering if this is yet another hint from the mysterious dildo dropper. "That was a gift," a voice says, snapping on the light. It's Dr. Robert "Same As The Old Boss" Romano, and that's his rocket Weaver's fondling. Somehow, I don't think this is the action Romanophiles were hoping he'd get in his office. "From a grateful patient?" she asks. "Grateful girlfriend," he corrects. That thud you hear is the collective faint of every poster in the Paul McCrane thread. Weaver babbles that she would've waited to clear out his office, but she's got meetings scheduled all day to distract her from laughter welling up in her throat at fact that "Chief of Staff" is not just a job title but a hilarious euphemism -- and, let's face it, probably Chen's nickname in med school. Romano doesn't buy that Weaver wasn't positively itching to take over his office. Weaver promises to send all the office contents to his home.

A cute guy interrupts to bring in the maintenance men who are hanging a painting. "What happened to Brenda?" Romano asks. "She, uh, seemed unwilling to make the transition," Weaver coughs. Aw, loyalty to Robert. Sweet. Fatal, of course, but sweet. Either Weaver fired that woman smart-quick, or Romano dragged his feet in clearing out the office. Romano bitterly regards Weaver's artwork. "I always hated the impressionists..." he begins. "It's a lateral move, Robert," Weaver sighs. "...All that sugar-coating of the truth," Romano finishes pointedly. Weaver insists that this wasn't her idea. "Strange, because this little power play smacks of a certain estrogen-based malice I've grown all too familiar with over the years," he says casually. Weaver turns and, hand on hip, wishes Robert would appreciate that they're doing him a favor. "What you're doing is bending me over and driving it up the chocolate highway," he snorts. Charming. Generally, I strongly believe the word "chocolate" should not be used in vain, and so this moment was particularly difficult for me. Although I'd endure a thousand of them per episode for a week free of toe tomfoolery. But I digress. Weaver rants that Romano is a terrible administrator, a human-resources nightmare, and -- lest he forget -- a one-handed surgeon, and I'm not sure if it's the prospect of seeing Luka soon or that I'm ten, but I'm laughing right now because "doing some one-handed surgery" also makes a good sexual euphemism. Romano smiles tightly at Weaver during her speech, his eyes empty. "You're lucky you have options at all," she says. "Oh, you're suggesting that I have some," he nods, peeved. "You do," she snaps. "It's this, it's teaching, or it's out." Romano stares at her for a second, then chooses "out" -- of her office, anyway.

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