Abby Normal

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C | Grade It Now!
Abby Normal

When we begin, Kerry's holding Henry and talking to her lawyer, the esteemed Mr. Bald -- but if my notes are to be believed, "Mt. Nalf." Which sounds like a cute epithet for barfing: "Yeah, dude, I was totally hiking Mount Nalf after that last High Life." Kerry begs him for another day with Henry, but he quite rightly points out that she just signed papers indicating that she would be satisfied with returning him at noon on Monday after a weekend together. Until the court awards her custody, he generously says, she's basically stuck with two weekends a month, and, if she's smart, some stock in whoever makes Kleenex. He urges her not to violate the Lopezes' trust on this one, given that they're on the eve of a custody hearing. "It isn't right," Kerry says plaintively. "You could get him back in two weeks," The Bald And The Beautiful tells her. "Until then, you have to find a way to live with it."

At the start of the next scene, through my red wine haze, I apparently thought Carter looked "startled and a little wet." He's in O'Hare Airport, and he's looking through a sea of bodies for somebody. Kem calls out his name, and he happily moves to her and slides a hand along her belly as he envelops her in a big hug. From what I can tell, even this close to her delivery date, Kem is as pregnant as I am. And for the record, Mom, that's not "slightly." I was going to comment on the fact that Kem was traveling so close to her due date, but the clever folks on the forums found out that it's not as taboo as it used to be. So. On we go.

I realize that this is all a little inside-baseball for people who don't really care how I recap, or what my notes look like, but I'm easily entertained by my own idiocy. Therefore, I'm going to share with you the following stirring passage, brought to you at 1:30 AM by the collective force of my descriptive powers: "Lab. Idiots. Blah blah blah blah, science babble, Neela impresses them with her sciency, he asks what she's doing, blah blah blah blah she asks why they're blah blah blah blah they're impressed, she questions them, boring boring, one asks if she has a boyfriend." That is powerful prose. I love sciency. Do they give recapping Pulitzers? The translation is basically that Neela is in the lab with Poindexter and Yuri, and that she's working hard and impressing them by questioning some of their procedures in absolutely the correct way. Poindexter drools all over this, because jargon is sexy. Actually, though, it kind of is, when uttered in a British accent.

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