A River in Egypt

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Heathen: C+ | Grade It Now!
A River in Egypt

Previously on ER: Carter's frosty mom showed up at Gamma's house and refused to leave, claiming she won't let her estranged husband Jack "Stephen Keaton" Carter break up the family. Carter yelled at her for being a lousy mother. Rachel got Mark to admit that he doesn't trust her. Sandy found out Kerry remains closeted at work, and ditched her at a hockey game.

Abby Lockhart snuggles up in her bed, trying to drown out her sparring neighbors, Joyce and Brian (formerly Matthew; I'm giving in and using his character name). He screams that he heard voices at 3 AM and wants to know why; Joyce claims she was watching the Home Shopping Network. Which has to be true, because no one would ever admit that unless under duress. "Don't lie!" screams Brian. Thumping ensues. Joyce begs him to stop. "Someone help me," she wails. Brian suggests that she shut her silly mouth. She doesn't. More thumping. Yelping. Abby shuffles out of bed, flashes a concerned look at the ceiling, and wishes she hadn't taped over that Afterschool Special, Knuckle Sandwich: Would You Like A Side of Love With That? We hear a scream...

...and Mark Greene opens his eyes wondering if Rachel has finally met with blessed doom. He creeps downstairs, and finds that she's just sitting up watching Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Which is the movie of my nightmares, because tomatoes are evil, and I know they're all out there being horrible and red and plotting my destruction and that of our entire race. Don't trust them. They don't like you. Rachel says she got up for a late-night snack of chips and peanut butter; both are glories sorely wasted on an ungrateful brat like her. Mark ass-plants next to her and demands a taste. Rachel contentedly hands him the Jif and a bowl of chips, pretty out of character for a girl who's acted like she'd rather snort paint than hang out with her father. And who could blame her? Mark fondly recalls getting up at 5:30 AM to watch The Smurfs with her. ["What?! That was on when I was a kid." -- Wing Chun] "Seems like last week," he sighs. Rachel isn't that interested. "We need some milk," Mark decides, heading for the kitchen. He stops dead when he sees her boots, crusted with fresh mud. Suspiciously, Mark asks Rachel if she was out. "I went for a walk," she says glibly. "At 3 AM?" he gapes. "It's the only time I can," Rachel replies. So stupid. She's grounded, so she sneaks out at 3 AM out of an irrepressible urge to left-right-left her way around the block? Sure. Mark is pissed, as is Rachel, who complains about being under house arrest. "You talk to my teachers, you screen my calls, search my room -- which even my guidance counselor considers totally uncool," Rachel rants. "It's like living in prison." Elizabeth shouts out Mark's name. "And here comes the warden," snits Rachel under her breath. Mark -- master parent and king of the comeback -- sputters, "Hey!"

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