A Little Help From My Friends

Episode Report Card
Heathen: D+ | Grade It Now!
A Little Help From My Friends

Previously on ER, Luka licked the camera lens and purred, "Drink it in, ladies." Then he treated Rick, a supposed flu patient who ended up having leukemia, and a series of his mistakes may have led to Rick's brain damage. Abby yelled at Luka for not caring, but then he turned around and she saw hot burning self-hatred in his eyes, or maybe he needed eyedrops. Nowhere in here does the show see fit to mention that Luka subsequently got into a car accident that injured Erin Harkins's liver. Never mind that this was the big cliffhanger at the end of "Hindsight." Seriously -- you'd better not mind.

We fade up to the eerie strains of I Got No Woman And I Done Taken My Dodge Penis On A Downward Spiral. Dr. Luka "If This Is What 'Rock Bottom' Looks Like, Then Heathen's Moving There Tomorrow" Kovac stares off into space, embroiled in a particularly turgid brood. You can tell by his nostrils' high rate of flare. The elevator deposits him upstairs, where he's met by a tense Dr. Susan "Storyline Limbo" Lewis and Dr. Abby "You Can Spell 'Lockhart' Without 'Me,' But I Don't Recommend It" Lockhart. Abby's hair is meticulously curled, which doesn't seem right. Then again, Susan's got a funky half-braid thing going on, so apparently these people are not only good with hair, but they take it very seriously, especially when they're working. "Ready?" Susan asks. They file into a lecture room, followed by a quiet Michael "Hold Me" Gallant.

As Susan, Abby, and Luka take their seats before the assembled crowd, Dr. Anspaugh introduces the Morbidity & Mortality session. They're going over the tragic case of Rick and the Accidental Leukemia; Anspaugh gives the students the bullet while Luka stands at the podium gazing uncomfortably at, alternately, the microphone and his shoes. We smash into the credits wondering if this is a record for being the quickest and least important show opening in the history of television, with the exception of Good Morning, Miami's credits.

Sandy "Who?" Lopez moves boxes around a messy room, embracing her stage business with the zeal of a woman who knows she's already halfway done with her screen time in this episode. Grinning, Dr. Kerry "If The Weavus is Rockin', Don't Come A-Knockin'" Weaver sidles into the room to watch her girlfriend deliver her first line. Sandy lovingly warns Kerry to stay out of the room for the next few days because of the paint fumes. "Are you nesting?" Kerry teases warmly. "I'm painting a room," Sandy blushes, swatting at Kerry. "Nesting," Kerry grins. "Chicago's toughest female firefighter braves burning buildings and dirty diapers." Sandy feigns offense, then chucks a stuffed toy at Kerry. "Hey, I hope you don't treat the baby like that," giggles Kerry, tossing it back before disappearing for her shift. Sandy watches her go. It was nice seeing them together. Dear Lisa Vidal: No one watches The Division. I'm sure it's a fine show, but you'd be better off putting your eggs in this basket. Love, Heathen. Personally, I like Lisa Vidal just fine, but I think it's a cop-out on the part of the show to keep her in this role. This way, TPTB can say, "Look, we have a lesbian couple on the show! We're revolutionary!" But they don't have to show said couple because they have the convenient excuse of Lisa Vidal being unavailable because of her role on The Division. Personally, I'd rather they pulled a Roger and replaced her with an actress who could then lend herself to a more in-depth story about Weaver, the baby, the relationship, etc. It's like, why bother writing these character-driven stories if you're going to half-ass the way you tell them? I feel like this scene serves little purpose other than to cover the writers' asses for not having shown Sandy and Weaver together this season. They're like, "Oops, let's make them look happy so that everyone will cry later." Boo.

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