Vox Sola

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
Mucus of Borg
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

So, there I was, watching a rerun of Buffy on FX last week, when lo and behold, there was our Malcolm! He got sired by Jeff "And I know you'll miss the way they serve Bacardi" Kober, who was already completely vamped out. It was one of the more awesome episodes -- one I hadn't seen before -- where Buffy tricked Mr. Bacardi into taking his Zoloft with holy water and he sizzled to dustitude from the inside out. Wicked. Anyway, it was funny to see Malcolm as a vampire alongside the guy who guest-starred in "Shadows of P'Jem." And that's just my first digression of the night as I attempt to escape from the phlegm tendrils of this episode.

Enterprise flits through space with a large Sonic Care toothbrush docked on its side. Oh, my mistake, it's supposed to be a ship. Quantum's log-rolling tells us that they're meeting with some aliens called the Kreetassans, and it's not going smoothly. Imagine that. Three Kreetassans, who look a bit like Nausicaans and a smidge like Cardassians, storm down the corridor, yelling in alienese. Hoshi's having a hard time translating, but what she can figure out is the word "insult." T'Pol wants to know whether they're being insulted, or if it's the Kreetassans that feel they've been insulted. Hoshi doesn't know, and tries to find out what they could've done wrong. All she can translate from their response is, "You eat like you mate." Trip wants to know if her UT is working right. I want to know if his head is working right. Can't he take a lesson from "Broken Bow," when they thought the UT wasn't working because she translated the Klingon's ire as manifesting in colorful metaphors like "eating the afterlife" and "your wife's grown ugly"? I mean, what about our "you are what you eat" expression? Isn't that a bit odd as well? Try to expand your mind just a teensy bit to realize that other cultures, races, or aliens do have other ways of expressing themselves that are not necessarily in line with human, English-speaking conventions. Keckler, her face black, her eyes red! Trip, his head empty, his sense unfurled. Standing at the door to the airlock, it becomes apparent to everyone, even Trip, that the Kreetassans want to leave. Quantum stiffly apologizes for whatever they did to offend them, and reluctantly lets them go. "Well, this is wun fer the books: briefest first contact," Trip says as the airlock door slides shut behind the Kreetassans. I think you're forgetting about the Praying Mantis aliens, brainless.

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