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Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
A hand, a scan, a canal, Panama!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!
Okay, either I'm going to have to get really drunk tonight, or I'm going to have to get really caffeinated in order to finish this thing. Currently, I am barely touching my iBook, because I am afraid it's going to completely flip on me. Nine months I've had this computer, and it's already had THREE logic boards. So I'm typing ever-so-gently in order to get this recap done so the Evil Dr. Mathra can take it in tomorrow to the Evil Apple Store, where they can not fix it all over again. This is a problem endemic to the iBook 800, and Apple will fix and fix and FIX but not acknowledge that there is something very wrong with the design, even though it is happening to thousands of people who SHELLED OUT HARD-EARNED CASH TO GET A DEFECTIVE MACHINE! After the fourth fix and subsequent break, Apple will replace the machine with a new one. But see, that doesn't get me anywhere when it's the iBook 800 that is having this very SPECIFIC ISSUE! Specific to the iBook 800 -- is there another way for me to convey this craptitude? I'm losing time and money whenever this machine spends a week in Memphis getting its face done, not to mention the time I eat when Memphis screws up and sends my machine back to Boston. Please, help me spread the word that APPLE SUCKS!

Anyway, I'm typing in this really contorted position whereby my hands don't touch the part they're supposed to touch in order not to get RSI or CTS. And now my back is starting to hurt, and it's clear that I will need a three-hour hot rocks massage. I wonder if that counts as short-term disability...

The Xindi of the Round Table meet and argue about wiping out Earth with their new weapon. Again, it's Mr. Man, Monkey Boy, and Aqua Man who argue to keep the humans alive until they can do more research for their secret weapon, and it's Bug House and Snake Eyes who want the humans taken care of ASAFP. Since it's taking Mr. Man, like, forever to build his WMD, they other species mention that they should consider their "colleagues' proposal," which might be an allusion to the Suliban. Or it might be something that Bermaga put out there and never pick up again. At one point Aqua Man gets so into his whale song and swims so close to the glass window that I was half-convinced he was going to burst through it.

Oh, hey -- it's now Star Trek Enterprise in the credits. I didn't notice that last week when I stuck my head in our faulty gas oven to avoid the theme song. Poor Glark. Let's not rush to tell him, okay?

The candles, the darkened room, the groaning -- yes, it's the Neural Node Nudging hour! Trip gives pressure-specific requests, and T'Pol complies. You know, Trip's the only one getting his back scratched lately; when is it going to be T'Pol's turn? She mentioned that her Vulcanrhythms were all ruffled by the Expanse, so what's up with Trip being a careless lover? There's someone named "Tucker Smallwood" in the credits. Hee -- that's actually Trip's porn name. Trip impresses T'Pol with his breathing technique and then says, "T'Pol." "Don't speak," she tells him. "Relax your jaw." Okay, this is bad, because it's three seconds into the ep and already everything, including that last line, is reminding me of porn. Trip tells T'Pol that the qrew are starting to gossip about their Nocturnal Node Nudging. Even worse, Reed came onto him in Engineering. You don't think so? This is what Trip says: "Last week when we were purging a clogged injector assembly, Malcolm asked me why I didn't just massage it with my magic fingers." I don't even have to look at the menu to know that the special of the day is Corned Beef Slash. T'Pol tells him to get some meatballs and ignore Reed. Or slap a sexual harassment suit on him. T'Pol does comment that, even if they were "pursuing a romantic relationship," being senior officers means it's none of Reed's concern. Trip agrees, and they get on with their "platonic" massage. You know, I guess I don't mind these two getting cuddly as much as I would mind her furrowing under the covers with Quantum. I just hope they keep it unrequited for a long, long time.

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