Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
Nobs And Nonsense
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Since it was my birthday this weekend, I told Mathra we'd have to forego the usual lobster, caviar, and foie gras celebration -- we even stuck the champers on ice -- all so I could bring this piping hot recap to y'all.

From the bridge of the starship Enterprise, Captain Quantum -- togged out in his uniform and a USS Enterprise baseball cap -- gives a little salutation to the men and women fighting overseas: "And from the Starship Enterprise to the aircraft carrier Enterprise: welcome home." I think someone's gotta be a little more careful about the line between reality and fantasy. I appreciate and second the sentiment 100%, but he's not a real captain, and as the men and the women of the USS Enterprise have by this time dispersed to be with the family and friends they haven't seen in about a year, I think they've got better things to do than sit in front of the television watching Star Trek dreck. Unlike us. Then again, if it had been Jean-Luc Picard expressing the very same sentiment, I would have been snatching at the Puffs with menthol.

Morning has broken on the starship Enterprise. Not that you can tell in all the pitchy blackness of space. Nevertheless, Captain Quantum "good morrow"s his ranks and asks what new anomalies they've bumped into, or which aliens are in desperate need of certain corruption. T'Pol reports on several fascinating items: a supernova remnant and a cluster of three neutron stars. "Very unusual," T'Pol says about the last one. Trip falls all over himself to blurt out his opposing opinion: "How about that? Three stone-cold stars -- pretty exciting, huh?" Look, Tryptophan, just last week a flying chunk of ice was exciting enough for Captain Quantum and the rest of you to risk TweedleReed and Tweedledum's necks over, but now you think you can sneer at any old Kevin Spacey thing? Just stuff it. Geddit? "Stuff it" and "Tryptophan"? A little pre-Thanksgiving humor for...okay, never mind. Quantum asks whether there's anything else to report. Trip exchanges a knowing look with Mayflower and says, "Well, there is one other thing [sic] might be worth swinging by to take a look. A Minshara-class planet about four and a half light years away." Captain Quantum happily looks at the blue and green graphic pulled up on the screen and asks whether they've detected any life forms. "Only about five hundred million," Trip tells him, yukking himself up. Trip goes on to say that if they can trust their readings, "there's a whole civilization down there!" Mayflower gets beside himself and snorts with excitement. Simmer down, mister; you had far too much screen time last week for them to sign your civilization-hopping permission slip this episode. Everyone else (except T'Pol, of course) giggles at the fast one they pulled on the captain -- making him believe they had nothing really interesting to report. Those rogues.

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