Elementary
The Woman/Heroine

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Monty Ashley: A | 22 USERS: A+
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The Vulgarities of the Modern Era

In the observation (or interview) room, Theophilus says he's never heard the name Moriarty. Holmes calls him "Narwhal" and says that it's a good nickname. They're the unicorns of the sea! No, it's pretty terrible. Theophilus admits he was smuggling lemurs, but they were for his daughter. He saved the lemurs from poachers, who were going to dissect them or something! The lemurs will live on his daughter's farm in Westchester. The daughter in question is on vacation in Kenya, but her husband will happily talk to them.

Watson is going to change Holmes's bandage before they go on the drive. She says there's no infection and asks if there's any pain. Holmes says that on a scale of one to ten, the pain is at pi, but she doesn't believe it. Her phone rings. It's brother Oren with the news that their mother slipped and fell. One of the ER doctors called Oren with her cellphone. Their mother is at Chandler Memorial. Holmes thinks Mrs. Watson should have switched to flats. He mostly says that to show off that he can hear the phone, so his senses are still very acute. Watson says she'll meet him in Westchester.

As Watson walks down the street, Moriarty walks up to her. Her mother's fine, of course. Moriarty apologizes for the subterfuge, but explains that it was important. She invites Watson to get into her car -- and to enforce her request, she has a thug!

Moriarty and Watson are having dinner in a fancy restaurant. Watson says she's too angry to be afraid. Moriarty assures her that she's plotted seven murders that took place in crowded restaurants. She wants to know why Holmes took an interest in Watson: "As far as I can determine, you're a sort of... mascot." She asks, "Do you want to sleep with him?" Watson says that Moriarty is supposed to be just like Holmes, so shouldn't she know everything? Moriarty says that it's harder to read women, which is obvious nonsense. Irene knows about the surveillance of the docks and the interrogation of Theophilus. Her phone bleeps, and she hmms. She puts some money on the table, smiles, and leaves, saying, "Talk to Sherlock. Tell him I'll only be here for a few more days." Then she'll leave the country. Watson says Moriarty is afraid of Holmes, explaining, "If you weren't, you wouldn't have gone to so much trouble." Moriarty claims to be afraid of what she might have to do.

The farm in Westchester is a working horse ranch, although it also has a zebra. Theophilus's son-in-law admits that there are 22 different endangered species around the place. Bell calls the animals "smuggled property," and Holmes redirects the conversation to the Theophilus daughter: Alethea. Holmes thinks it's weird for the wife to leave him behind while she jest off to Kenya, but the husband says they often take separate vacations. Holmes looks through the cupboards. The closets had all the heavy coats you'd want to take to Kenya, so why did Alethea she leave without her gear? Then Holmes finds a prescription bottle for hormones, which was filled a month ago -- and there's a week too much medicine in there. He asks, "Where's your wife, Mr. Lerberg?" Mr. Lerberg says that two guys in masks busted in and took her. One goon's sleeve rolled up, and there were Cyrillic tattoos, so Bell figures they were the dead goons from the morgue. Bell calls the captain. Holmes is thinking. He goes to the medicine cupboard, where there's a bottle of Vicodin. He considers it for a while, but he puts it back when he gets a call from Watson.

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Elementary

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