Window Of Opportunity

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C- | Grade It Now!
A Big Mac, Large Order of Fries and a Big Ol' Can of Whoop Ass, Please

No time for yuks a-plenty...let's kick this recap Warren Cheswick-style and get it underway.

The show opens with Mike, Nancy, evil baby Sara, and Carol sitting in a booth at Stuckey Bowl. Ed walks up with his hands behind his back and a look on his face like Satan has taken up habitat in his jockeys. "Mike," Ed leers. "Guess what I've got behind my back?" Mike thinks for a second and guesses, "Jell-O?" Ed's more excited than a puppy in a roomful of fire hydrants, and brings his hands out in front of him: it's the ugliest bowling ball you'll ever lay your hands on. Yet, Ed calls it his "lucky" bowling ball. Mike refers to it as his "fruity" bowling ball. Ed had been searching all around Stuckey Bowl for this ball ever since he bought the joint, and has finally found it. Mike says it's a woman's bowling ball -- not because it's pink, but because it has the name "Fran Jesperson" engraved on it. Ed points out that they decided a long time ago that the name "Fran" was gender ambiguous. Maybe it is. But personally, I'd have to be pretty damned drunk to name my little boy "Fran."

All of a sudden, applause breaks out in the alley, and the table's inhabitants get up to see the reason for the ruckus. Phil explains that a young man has just told his girlfriend that if he bowls a strike on his next ball, he's going to ask her to marry him. Carol finds this terribly romantic (yet...when Ed tried to use a skywriter to write his love for her in the sky, she found that stupid...go figure) and tells Ed that he should let the kid use Ed's lucky ball for "lady luck." Mike chimes in, "Emphasis on the word 'lady,'" like a real friend. Ed approaches the kid and offers him the use of his hideously ugly lucky ball. The kid agrees to use it, and bowls a strike. His girlfriend gasps like Satan has taken up habitat in her jockeys. Everyone applauds, he asks the girl to marry him and she says "yes." Ed looks like this is some kinda joke that he's not in on. It's basically the same face I wear when I watch ABC's Friday night line-up.

Commercials. Guess what? Some ugly little British lady swears up and down that I am The Weakest Link. I assume she means I'm the weakest link at MBTV. I assume she's reached this assumption after seeing the pitiful response Ed gets on the boards. I'm so humiliated. ["Yeah, y'all -- go post if you don't want Ed to go the way of Third Watch and NYPD Blue." -- Wing Chun]

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