Ed
The World of Possibility

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Uncle Bob: D | Grade It Now!
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The World of Possibility

Of course...it's really Ben Vereen, famed dancer and actor, except Carol was only eight when she wrote it and pronounced his surname wrong. Ed and Carol laugh hysterically over the ludicrousness while twenty-two million Americans (and ten Canadians...two are still in the bathroom) scratch their heads in bewilderment. The judge wants to see Stan's famous "Dancing Turkey" trick. Throughout the entire episode, the dancing turkey trick has been teased, so the anticipation of seeing the dancing turkey has reached a fevered pitch in homes nationwide. WE DEMAND THE DANCING TURKEY. Stan and Ed do the trick. It's a frozen turkey that dances. That's it. I haven't seen choreography this lame since Michael Jackson's hair caught on fire during that Pepsi commercial. The judge rules for Stuckeyville Stan for the simple reason that Ed has to win every case on the show, because that keeps twenty-two million Americans (and thirteen Canadians...one guy is tuning in early for the television broadcast premiere of Virtuosity) happy and deeply infatuated with the guy.

We zip over to the Bowling Alley, where Phil has ordered a truckload of salt and pepper shakers to Ed's dismay. He ordered 5,000 of them because they're cheaper when they come in bulk. Ed gets a little hot under the collar and tells Phil to get rid of all but what they will need. Phil's solution? Close the door and guard it and tell the delivery men that he "no speaky English," which happens to be Phil's lamest moment on the show so far.

We close out the show with the grand re-opening of the Stuckey Bowl. Everything's painted, salted, and ready to rock. Ed stumbles upon Kenny entertaining another group of men who walk away howling. Ed's curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks Kenny what he is doing to make everyone crack up. Kenny hesitates and then finally breaks into the absolute WORST impression of "Fernando" from Saturday Night Live. "You...look...mahvelous," he says slowly and so badly that Billy Crystal could probably sue Kenny. Then again, Ed would represent Kenny and Billy Crystal would lose the lawsuit because nobody's foolish enough to take on Ed Stevens in Stuckeyville, baybee. Carol shows up at the big bash with Nick in tow. Naturally, they have to tongue-wrestle like they were seventh graders while people try to bowl around them. Ed looks like he's having thumb tacks pried slowly out of his nuts.

After the big bash is over, we're left with two people sitting and drinking at the end of one of the alleys. Ed and Carol? Nope. Kenny and Shirley? Nope. Mike and Nancy? Uh-uh. Try Ed and Fat Molly. The two characters who don't already have significant others. They're talking about life in general, and you can just tell that Molly's loins are aching for Ed to do whatever one does to stimulate another's loins.

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Ed

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