Ed
The World of Possibility

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Uncle Bob: D | Grade It Now!
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The World of Possibility

The next day, Carol's walking down the street when Ed pulls up. Ed asks if Carol still has that diary from 1978 when she admitted she wanted to hump a fifty-eight-year-old man. Carol says she does. Ed says, "Good...bring it to my office tonight...I'm putting you on the stand tomorrow" and drives away. Carol gives that grin that says, "Oh...that crazy Ed! I just might be falling for him after all!" And twenty-two million Americans (and twelve Canadians) all keep their fingers crossed, hoping that love is finally in the air for these two.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph...more commercials. I pluck a few more nostril hairs and form a square on the arm of my recliner with them.

Ed's going through his files when Carol walks in. Carol sees the spatula and picks it up. Ed stares at the spatula. Finally...we get to hear the story of the spatula. As it turns out...when Ed and his ex-wife first got married and moved into their first apartment, Ed walked down to the corner grocery store one Sunday morning, bought the spatula, and came back and made her scrambled eggs. That's it??? No sexual liaisons with kitchen utensils??? I've gotta say...I was left kind of empty after the spatula story. Ed's about to get all torn up over the spatula, so Carol wisely decides to change the subject and lets Ed leaf through her diary. He stumbles across a page that says, "C.V. loves B.B." He asks who B.B. is. She won't say. He guesses, "Boris Becker" and she just sits there. He's happy with the response and lets it drop.

Meanwhile, Nancy's cuddling Sara the Baby, who's being a little shit-ass if you ask me. I'm not all that experienced with children, but if my baby acted up half as much as Sara the Baby, my kid would find himself on a bus headed for Arizona in the care of a silent drifter named Bert. Anyway...Nancy's singing "Leaving On A Jet Plane" because she saw Kendra doing it a few days earlier, and it seemed to soothe that little bitch Sara. Except Nancy isn't half the singer that Kendra is. Luckily for everyone involved, Kendra walks in and decides to lend some harmony to Nancy's singing. Nancy is visibly disturbed and fires Kendra on the spot because Kendra is obviously turning into Rebecca DeMornay circa The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, and Nancy wants to nip this psycho shit in the bud pronto.

Back to the courtroom...Ed has Carol on the stand. Carol's diary is brought in as evidence, and it describes Stuckeyville Stan's act in detail, proving that it's the exact same act that he's still doing today. He's like the Robin Williams of Magic...the guy never tries anything new. While Ed has Carol on the stand, he asks Carol who B.B. is in her diary. Carol refuses to answer. The judge forces her to answer. Carol mumbles something. Finally she says it aloud: "Ben Bereen."

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Ed

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