The World of Possibility

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Uncle Bob: D | Grade It Now!
The World of Possibility

We go to more commercials than you can shake a stick at. I know because I sat in my chair shaking a stick at the television and finally had to give up due to sheer exhaustion.

FINALLY, we get to the courtroom. Ed is questioning the masked magician who has been sharing all of Stuckeyville Stan's secrets with the citizens of Stuckeyville. The magician says there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. Ed asks why, if there's nothing wrong with it, does he feel he has to wear a mask. The magician pauses for comic effect and says, "It's stylish." I choked on that one. You REALLY had to see it to get the full effect.

That evening, Ed notices Kenny cracking up a bunch of construction workers at the bowling alley. Kenny looks at him sheepishly as the workers walk away guffawing. Ed wonders to himself what Kenny said to make them laugh. I'm willing to bet he told the joke about the three priests in the bar with the kangaroo fetus, but that's only a guess.

Meanwhile, Phil is finally closing the deal on the salt shakers. Phil is playing it like he's Donald Trump about to buy a million-dollar hotel. He writes a figure on a piece of paper, slides it over to the salt-and-pepper-shaker dealer and tells him to just take in that figure. The guy opens the piece of paper and says, "Seventeen?" Phil insists that he hush and just silently take in the figure. And America begins to fall in love with Phil as twenty-two million viewers giggle in unison.

The next day, Ed's out videotaping Stuckeyville Stan at a children's birthday party. The kids are rebelling because they already know how all the tricks are done thanks to the evil "Stuckeyville Stan Revue" show that has been packing them in throughout the area's elementary schools. Stan is visibly shaken by the fact that kids are now heckling him rather than harboring crushes on his wrinkly old ass.

In a twist of television magic, the video is shown, but now we are in the courtroom watching it. I rubbed my eyes for several minutes to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Weren't we just at a children's birthday party?? And now we're in the courtroom?!? THIS IS AMAZING, GRACE!! After the video is shown, the evil magician's evil lawyer asks Stan how the evil magician has ruined Stan's act. Stan says he's been doing the same act for fifty-three years, and kids have loved it the entire time until the evil magician began exposing Stan for the fraud that he is. The evil lawyer asks Stan if he's a football fan. Stan admits that he is. The evil lawyer asks Stan who won the Super Bowl last year. Stan is stumped. I'm stumped. Twenty-two million Americans (and twelve Canadians) are stumped. I want to say the Tennessee Titans, but...hey...I'm stumped, babe. Good question, evil lawyer man. This line of questioning would have Matlock shitting himself in the courtroom. Ed has to come up with a plan because he has to win this case or else he's in jeopardy of twenty-two million Americans (and twelve Canadians) ditching his sorry ass and falling in love with Evil Lawyer Man.

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