The Whole Truth

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Uncle Bob: B+ | Grade It Now!
The Whole Truth

Vacation's over, baybeeeee!!!

It is I, Brad F'n Pitt, the world's sexiest TV recapper, in your face with the latest and greatest Ed recap in the history of MBTV Ed recaps. Or something. I must say...the last 2.5 weeks have been sheer bliss, what with not having to get in the "Ed Zone," as we call it around Stately Pitt Manor. I've been able to enjoy life in the form of my Vietnamese War Orphan Baby, Xiang Chow Pitt. I had a lovely Thanksgiving that almost killed my mother. And various other assorted crappage went on over the last few weeks. But now...back to the grind of what I like to call "Recapping that damned Ed show."

Right before "Ed" begins, we get one of those Network Congratulatory Plugs that congratulates Tom Cavanagh for being nominated for the People's Choice Award's Favorite Male Performer in a New Series.

People, I cannot stress to you enough just how unimportant the People's Choice Awards are to today's performers. I won a People's Choice Award several years ago, and the only experience I can liken it to is when you've won a prize at the fair. Except you have to stare into a camera, speak into a microphone, and actually thank the carny for this cheap piece-of-shit Snoopy Doll made in Arkansas that you just won by throwing a ring around a milk bottle.

Questions? Comments??

Ed drags out the dreaded opening recap that the show used several times in its first several episodes. However, I understand its reasoning tonight. Tonight...Ed opens up to a whole new audience. Tomorrow, several million new Ed watchers flock to MBTV to read up on all the previous episodes and not only fall in love with Ed...but fall in love with Brad F'n Pitt as well, baybee.


The lines during the recap that got me were "nice guys sometimes finish first." And you know...there you go. Ed's a nice guy. I know that, earlier in the season, I declared him a stalker. I was sadly mistaken. He's a nice guy. And he has a great show. Watch it. Enjoy it. It's the David Letterman show in sitcom form.

The show opens, and Mike is sitting naked at the kitchen table. Ed walks in -- non-plussed at first -- pours himself a cup of joe, and notices Mike sitting at the table. Ed doesn't flinch. "You know you're shirtless?" Ed asks. "And pantless," Mike adds. "I figured now that you've lived here a while, you can handle me naked. I used to do this all the time before you moved in." Nancy walks in and is shocked by Mike's Greek physique chowing down on Count Chocula. Mike says, "What? You've seen me naked before." "Not at the same time as him," she says, gesturing to Ed. Ed. Babe. Get the hint. They want you out. You own a bowling alley. You're the Chairman of the Board of the most successful law firm in town. You're a single, attractive, charming man. But get out. Here's a hamburger and a road map ... see ya. In a roundabout way, Mike and Nancy let him know that it's time to start looking for his own place, because Ed may be a single, attractive, charming man...but he's about as socially retarded as Chuck Manson at a sorority dance. In robotic monotones, Nancy says, "Please stay." Mike says, "Don't go." Ed says, "I insist." Nancy responds, "All right." Mike responds, "Okay."

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