The Music Box

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: D+ | Grade It Now!
Young Edward J. Stevens Finally Becomes A Man


Hey kids, it's me, your dear, old Uncle Bob. I'm jazzed, pumped, and stoked to give you yet another Ed recap so that your life can continue to blossom, your sleep will remain peaceful at night, and the world can continue spinning on its axis without any further interruption...Or I'm just doing this because I need the money for diapers. Either way...I'm jazzed, pumped, and stoked.

Before the show begins, we receive a message from NBC. Did you know that NBC is proud of Ed for its three TV Guide nominations? Did you know that a TV Guide nomination is just slightly more prestigious than being nominated for "Most School Spirit" in high school?

I thought you did. I just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page here. A TV Guide nomination equals nothing to write home about.

Previously on Ed, District Attorney Bonnie Hane came to town, lit a spark under Ed's ass that's been missing ever since Carol Vessey said she wanted to be "just friends," and actually gave our hero his first soul kiss in ten episodes. Now Ed's making decisions with his penis rather than his brain and there's an awfully good chance that Carol and her bag of indecisive feelings for Ed may have been left on the side of the road like a squashed armadillo.

We begin this week's thrilling episode with Carol and Molly entering Stuckeyville's Jewelry Shop. Carol is picking up her music box that she had left there for repairs and mentions how her Grandma gave her the music box when she was a little girl. She's one lucky kid. My Grandma gave me pneumonia when I was a kid and damned near killed my ass. The employee in the store asks her if she knows how valuable the music box is. Carol has no idea of the monetary value but its sentimental value is priceless. The guy points out that the music box was made in 1608 and has royal markings on it. Being a guy that doesn't know the first thing about music boxes, I've got to say that I was impressed by these facts and made an uneducated guess of $49.99. Carol asks how much the music box is worth and the guy says $3 million. Carol's jaw drops while Molly starts estimating how many cheeseburgers $3 million could buy. After a few seconds, the music box guy laughs and says it's not really worth $3 million, adding, "I never get tired of that joke." Carol exhales and Molly seethes with rage over her cheeseburger fantasy being burst. The guy then says the box is probably worth $1,800. Molly overstates the obvious when she clucks, "The three million kinda takes all the impact out of the actual figure."

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