Ed
Prom Night

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Uncle Bob: B | Grade It Now!
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What Goes Around Comes Around. And Around. And Around. And Around.

It's the season finale of Ed. This means Uncle Bob will be hanging up his recapping boots for at least a few months...possibly...forever (forever...forever...forever...you know...the echo effect). My coming back all hinges on whether I'm asked to come back. If you want me back. If you need me back. ["And how good you are at back rubs. Get on it. Lower. No, lower. LOWER." -- Wing Chun]

Awww hell...I dunno what it hinges on. I just live day to day, man. Anything other than that and I'm lost, dude.

So anyway...the season finale...with an ending so shocking that we will be talking about it all summer long. My guess is either that Ed dry-humps Carol on his living-room floor, or we get a close-up of Molly's insanely hairy rectum as a parting kiss. Either way, I'm already talking about it and summer's not even officially here yet.

We open on the streets of Stuckeyville. Ed and Mike are walking down the street, and Ed is babbling incessantly about his "near-kiss" with Carol at the pond a few nights earlier. Mike offers Ed ten bucks to shut his mouth. Ed keeps droning on and on that the kiss would have taken place had it not been for Warren showing up to beat the shit outta Ed after Ed steered Warren off the cliff of love by telling him to ask his dream date to the prom last week. Mike ups the ante to $10,000 if Ed will just shut up. Ed's convinced that the "near kiss" is large...very large. Meanwhile, Molly and Carol are walking down another street in Stuckeyville. Carol is telling Molly that she's been thinking about asking Ed to the prom, since she's a chaperone this year and was really trying to scrounge up some prom nookie for afterwards. Actually, she says she just wants to hang out with Ed all night...but all the Edheads of the world know that she wants a piece of that Ed honker. Back to Ed and Mike; Mike is now feigning interest in Ed's babbling. Ed says that even though he hasn't seen Carol since the "near kiss," there's something in the air of Stuckeyville. It's like...the second coming or something. Ed says it's like Venuzuelean flamingos doing a mating dance: something's going to happen. Mike resumes losing interest in Ed's story.

Thank God. And it only took twenty-two episodes for something to happen. My God. Timothy McVeigh's been laid more times since September than Ed has.

Opening credits and commercials. Jamie Foxx is now a big star and driving a Coors Light truck. My only question is...who the hell is Jamie Foxx? Sorry...I don't watch UPN.

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