Ed
Power Of The Person

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Power Of The Person

Ed's sitting outside The Bowl (have I pounded it into your heads yet?) when Gary walks up and hands him a milk shake. Gary's taken Warren's place as the high-school dweeb Ed prefers to hang out with. Probably because Gary can hook Ed up with the Peruvian Booger Sugar whereas Warren can only hook Ed up with oily used combs and dog-eared Chick tracts. Tough decision, huh? Ed says he can't allow Gary to be on the Quizbowl team. Gary knew this was going to happen, because he's a dumb-ass, right? Ed insists that it's not because Gary's a dumb-ass. It's just that the other players are stronger. And...well, they're not dumb-asses. Gary knew he'd suck at this whole thing, which is why he didn't want to do it in the first place. He tells Ed goodbye, and glumly slinks off to go get some third-graders hooked on weed.

In the Goat, Phil is telling Roy and Carl to remember to stick to the script, as the three men share a booth. Carl jumps up and says, "Deadly Roy, I've had enough of your shenanigans!" Phil is whispering, "Water! Water!" to remind Carl to throw water in Roy's face. Roy says they'll take care of it in the ring. Roy tells Carl to kiss his grits, and then tells Phil that was an ad-lib. Carl says they'll settle it in the ring this Friday night at 10 PM at Phil Stubbs Presents Championship Boxing at the Stuckey Bowl. Roy says he can't wait to meet Carl in the ring this Friday night at 10 PM at Phil Stubbs Presents Championship Boxing at the Stuckey Bowl. Phil jumps up in his fur coat and says that this fight will be settled at 10 PM at the Stuckey Bowl as Phil Stubbs presents his weekly boxing series. The customers barely pay the three guys any attention. My guess is that Gary must have gotten there first and handed out tabs of acid, because everyone's just staring at their napkins like they're little gremlins.

At the Bowl, Carol walks up to the shoe counter and asks Shirley if she's seen Ed. He's down below her, fixing the sink. Ed leaves the booth and starts walking down the walkway next to the alleys. Carol follows, saying that she heard Ed almost got in a fight with Jackass. Ed tells Carol that the last fistfight he engaged in was in high school, when some kid painted Ed's birdhouse bright red. That sounds like a sexual euphenism to me -- you know "painting the birdhouse bright red." I think I'll start using that phrase in salty conversations around the office water cooler on Monday mornings to see if it makes me more popular when describing my sexual escapades with the Mrs. that took place over the weekend. Anyway...Ed says her boyfriend is an ass. Carol admits he's rough around the edges, but says she thinks Ed's being a bit harsh. She says she'll tell Gary he's cut if Ed wants her to. Ed says he already told Gary he was cut from the team, and that Gary was devastated. Crushed. He looked like your average Canadian ice skater when told that Marie Reine Le Gougne is in the audience right before they go on.

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Ed

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