Ed
Power Of The Person

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Power Of The Person

During the Quizbowl study session, Ed's calling out the abbreviations for scientific elements, and the kids are hitting their buzzers and hollering out the answers. Except Gary, who is concentrating on finding a vein that hasn't yet collapsed in his arm. Jackass walks in, and Ed starts to introduce the kids to him. Jackass reminds Ed that he's the principal; he knows who these kids are. He wants to see Ed in the hallway. Ed follows him out there.

In the hall, Jackass asks Ed if this is some big joke, because he's got a great sense of humor, and if Gary's sitting in there simply to get a chuckle out of Jackass, it worked, ha-ha, very funny, you damned bowling alley lawyer/Quizbowl coach. Ed tells Jackass that Gary's parents are assholes. Jackass doesn't care, because Gary has the mental capacity of a tube sock and he doesn't deserve caring parents; he deserves death by lethal injection. Ed says the boy needs nurturing. Jackass tells Ed that you can't teach a dog algebra and you can't teach Gary how to answer a question in a manner that won't make pints of saliva spill out of his mouth. Jackass says that Gary's sitting on a pair of threes and is pretending to have a full house. That's a poker term, implying that Gary doesn't have a promising future. Ed says the kid's just trying to find himself, and this Quizbowl farce has really started to do the trick for him. Jackass reiterates that he's the principal, and this is his school. He's in charge. And if Ed doesn't get rid of the kid, Jackass will take care of it himself over the PA system. He takes his finger and jabs it in Ed's shoulder, pushing him back like a bully about to kick some Ed Stevens ass. Ed remembers the finger jab from his days languishing in the hallways of public education, and backs off pushing the Jackass. Wise choice, Eddie. Keep pushing the man and who knows? You might just drive him straight off the wagon. Which reminds me...bartender, another round for the house. The house being...well, me. And the bartender being...well, me.

Commercials. Apparently there's this movie called Spiderguy or something coming out this weekend. Funny. I haven't heard that much about it.

Warren walks into a Baptist church full of African-Americans singing a gospel favorite of mine entitled "What The Hell Is That Cracker Doing All Up In This Beeyotch?" The minister looks like Montel Williams as he preaches about the Power of the Person, and I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but that's the official title of the episode this week. It's funny how sometimes the title of the episode ties in to the actual episode itself. The minister decides to take a break, and walks away from the pulpit. Warren catches up to him and says that he's seen this guy, Rev. Isaac, on television. Warren says he doesn't have a religion, and that he's here to see what the Baptists have to offer besides a ban on dancing and driving past liquor stores with lust in their eyes. Warren and the minister have a discussion about religion that is actually kind of boring, so I jumped at the opportunity to clean the wax build-up from my ear canals with an unhinged paper clip. Warren talks about the Shabbat dinner, saying that as he watched Diane, he got very agitated, like he was missing out on something which is why he's searching for religion. Rev. Isaac asks Warren if Diane is his lady. Warren chuckles and says she isn't. Rev. Isaac says that Warren is missing out, and that religion is like a flashlight that you shine on your life to see what's missing. Warren wants to know more, but Isaac has to go. Warren thinks this is cruel and unusual punishment and wants more time with Rev. Isaac. Warren has to know what Isaac is talking about. Isaac tells him that it's the Power of the Person. We get it Isaac. Sheesh. You don't have to pound it into our heads like we're a bunch of idiot children.

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