Power Of The Person

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Uncle Bob: A | Grade It Now!
Power Of The Person

Ed goes to Gary's house, which is in the Stuckeyville ghetto. A man with a beer in his hand and a gruff disposition asks Ed what he wants. Wow, another shout-out to me. Maybe it's this seventh beer that I'm currently pouring on my t-shirt talking, but I'm noting all sorts of personal shout-outs tonight. Ed wants to see Gary. The guy asks what "Captain Screw-Up" did this time, which is yet another shout-out to me, because that was my mother's affectionate nickname for me when I was growing up. Ed asks if the man is Gary's father, and the guy says, "No. Are you?" Tee hee! I love bastard jokes! Gary comes out; he asks Ed what he's doing there, and subtly tries to pass him some crystal meth through the doggie door. Ed says he doesn't need the drugs (Ed's high on life! Loser.), but he does need to talk to Gary. Gary looks all depressed, and Ed asks him to come run some drills with him back at the Bowl. Gary brightens up and tells the drunken asshole in front of the TV that he's going to the Bowl with Ed. The guy doesn't even bother answering him. Ed scowls at the guy for being a lousy role model. I scowl at Ed for trying to reform a drug dealer. My neighbor scowls at me for holding totally nude one-man parades in my back yard. The neverending circle continues to spin.

In the school hallway, MegaMark asks Warren if he's a Jew yet. Warren says he isn't. Catholic? Nope. Has he looked into Buddhism yet? Warren says no; it's too eastern a religion. MegaMark says that if Warren were smart, he'd have the men of the cloth start a bidding war for Warren to join their respective churches, adding that Warren should be playing hardball with these guys. I think that if MegaMark tried to play any type of ball with anybody, the guy would keel over from a heart attack. MegaMark asks Warren when he's going to ask Diane out. Warren says he's never asking her out; they're just friends. Friends who fight. Actually, they're enemies. MegaMark snorts, and chunks of ham fall out of his nostrils as he says, "Enemies in love!" Warren walks away, and MegaMark calls after him that when Warren does manage to find religion and get in good with God, he can ask the Lord why He screwed MegaMark over by giving him a physical frame bigger than most mobile homes. At that moment, I feel a tinge of sadness for MegaMark and his MegaPlight of being one big-assed mofo yet still try to fit into society gracefully. Then I start feeling sorry for that lady at my local gas station with the harelip who always greets customers by saying, "Welcome to Big Bill's Pump and Shop," but it always comes out "Melcome to Mig Mill's Mump and Mop." Then I decide to start doing more for my fellow man and begin making life easier for the disadvantaged. Then I crack open beer #9 and I forget what I was thinking about.

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