Ed
Power Of The Person

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Power Of The Person

At a press conference at the Bowl, Phil is introducing the fighters to the media, which consists of three guys sitting in folding chairs, looking bored. Phil prepares the members of the press for the big weigh-in. The Irish Prince is large and in chizzarge, weighing in at 253 lbs. Deadly Roy weighs 276 lbs., which Roy tries to claim is mostly water weight from all the salted nuts he's been eating. Phil asks if anyone has any questions; there's only one media guy left. He asks the Irish Prince whether it's true that the Russians bred him to box. The Prince asks if the reporter saw Rocky IV. The media guy has seen it. The Prince says it was pretty much like that. This smells like another Stubbs failure just waiting to happen.

Back at the Goat, Jackass, Carol, and Ed are throwing darts. For safety purposes, they're throwing them at a dartboard. Jackass tells Ed he has to throw Gary out of Quizbowl, and hopes it's not too awkward for Ed to do so. Ed says that Gary needs this shot to his self-esteem. Jackass asks Ed whether he played basketball in high school. Jackass obviously missed last week's abomination of an episode. Jackass lays down a high-school basketball analogy: what if the coach put a kid who sucked on the starting team in order to give him a chance? Ed wants to work with the kid first. Jackass says no. Ed says it's Jackass's call, and that Ed will tell Gary that he's a worthless piece of shit who will be dealing drugs for the rest of his free life. And probably his prison life as well.

Warren is in a confessional. The door opens, and Warren almost jumps out of his oily skin. Warren asks if he talks now. The priest says yes, and asks if this is Warren's first time confessing. Warren says he's not here to confess; he's just taking the booth for a test-drive. The priest doesn't understand, and Warren puts the confused priest at ease by saying, "It's cool Bud, you're doing fine." Warren asks if the confession booth is totally anonymous, and the priest insists that it is. Warren asks whether the priest can see him, and the priest says no. Warren asks him to prove it, and asks him to tell Warren how many fingers Warren's holding up. The priest says this is stupid, because he could just lie and tell Warren a number different from the number of fingers Warren's holding up. Warren catches the priest and says no, he couldn't, because priests aren't supposed to lie, unless the topic of discussion is sodomizing young boys. Which isn't really a shout-out to me, but I was an altar boy at one point and I do have some hazy memories of taking long hot showers with the priest when I was younger, but most of the details have been conveniently erased from my memory. The priest tells Warren he should go now. Warren crosses Catholicism off of his list, and not a moment too soon.

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