Ed
Power Of The Person

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: A | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Power Of The Person

After the Quizbowl session, all the students are leaving, and of course, Gary's last, wearing a t-shirt that reads "I'd rather be killing cab drivers." Ed says he's glad that Gary's going out for Quizbowl. Gary tries not to slip into a drug-induced coma in the doorway. Ed springs "Who was the third president of the United States?"on him. Gary blurts, "Adams!" Ed corrects him: "Jefferson." Gary says, "George Jefferson?" Ed says no, and Gary laughs and lets Ed know that he's not that stupid. Ed laughs and lets Gary know that he thinks he is that stupid.

Warren and MegaMark are walking through the halls of the school. Warren's prattling on about the fun he had at Diane's house the night before, witnessing all the Jewish traditions the family enjoyed, including all the weird lingo they used. ["If they were there for the Sabbath, and it was yesterday, then...wouldn't that make this Saturday? Why are they at school?" -- Wing Chun] MegaMark says it's called religion, dumb-ass. Warren says he's had a spiritual awakening. A little backstory: his family never had much to do with religion. They had a Christmas tree and that was it. And Warren had to stand on a Stuckeyville street corner, selling matches in the blinding snow to save up enough money to buy his mother a hairbrush for Christmas. With this newly discovered jones for religion, Warren's hell-bent on finding himself a faith. MegaMark reminds Warren that you can't pick a religion like you pick out khakis. Well, at least MegaMark can't. He's got to special-order his khakis from Big Bill's Khaki Warehouse and Tire Sales. Diane walks up, and Warren asks who he should talk to about Judaism. Diane asks if he's on crack; Gary slowly slinks out of a nearby locker and says that if Warren's not, Gary can be his hookup. Diane and Warren ignore the drug-crazed lunatic just like in those commercials that tell kids it's cool if they don't do drugs. Warren asks Diane if he can get a meeting with her rabbi. She says she'll see what she can do. And kids, in all seriousness, do drugs. Do lots of them. Take drugs like they were candy. Fry your brains. And if you don't have money to buy drugs, steal it from your parents. It's okay. They'll understand. They stole that money from the government to buy their own drugs. It's a neverending cycle, but the important thing is to do drugs. Oh...and wear sunscreen.

Carol and Jackass enter Jackass's office. Jackass has spent the day dealing with angry parents over what's going on with Quizbowl -- specifically, Gary's role on the Quizbowl team. It seems the parents think he's a bad influence on the kids. The kids are mad, too. This Quizbowl crap is sucking up all of Gary's time and there's no one available to score them some crank. Carol tries to defend Gary but Jackass says Gary's dumb and will hurt their chances of winning. Jackass wants Gary off the team because he's dragging the team down. Kinda like Cousin Oliver did to The Brady Bunch. Jackass tells Carol to inform Ed that must cut Gary from the team. Carol says that Ed already promised Gary he can go out for Quizbowl. Jackass says that if Ed promised all the kids diamond earrings, would that mean Jackass had to go to Zales? Jackass says it one more time: get rid of the punk. The whole time, he's chewing a wad of gum and tossing crap around his office. This is a clue, but I don't pick it up because I'm cracking open my fifth Honey Lager and popping two Aleve to help combat the inevitable headaches.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13Next

Ed

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP